I am bit confused as to why a few things are bothering me lately, when in all reality they shouldn't. Thus, the question: Why do I care?
#1: This whole layout competition thing - I went in just wanting to get the free kits and totally not expecting to really get anywhere. So why does it leave me thinking I have no talent for this and why did I do it when I knew what would happen. However, I didn't expect to only get 2 votes (and no, I didn't vote for myself) when others were getting 30.
Guess that could've been worse at least 2 people thought I was worth the effort. That made me feel a bit better. And then comes the pride issue. I look at the ones that made it through and wonder, "How the heck did that happen?"
#2: After posting our family pics on Facebook and getting all sorts of compliments (mainly on the kids) I then get one comment from an aquaintance I had in high school that says this: "sorry shilo not ment for you." Now I am assuming that this person was talking about my hair. (I guess they could've been talking about any number of things, or they accidentally posted something on my pics, when they meant another person's pics...Only there's not a deleted post prior to that one, so I doubt it)
It annoyed me. I have no idea why as this person is one of the VERY LAST people I would ever go to for fashion/style advice. And yes, this person is free to have their opinion - but why say something like that to someone? That's something you should keep to yourself.
I for one actually like my hair and quite a few other people have said the same. I suppose other people could be lying to me, but why? The girl that did my hair (You ARE AWESOME BTW) loved how it turned out as well and had so many nice things to say to me afterwards.
So why, when someone who isn't really in the 'fashion know' tells me something isn't meant for me, does it bug me so?
#3: I feel like no one really reads this blog. Which again, shouldn't make me upset since this is my way of keeping a 'journal' and I am hoping my decendants will want to take a gander at at least a few of my posts, yet it makes me feel sad.
Yeah, I know that isn't anyone's fault but my own. It's just one of those facts that's hard to face when the other blogs I read have comments almost daily or followers up the wazoo. I don't really need a crapload of followers or comments, but to know there's more people reading this blog than my little sister would be awfully nice.
The answer to most of these questions is because I am totally unsure of myself. It's something I've struggled with ALL MY LIFE! And I am sick of it, but it's one of those things that is just so hard to change!
I had to laugh/cry the other night while I was watching a past episode of "Ghost Whisperer." In short the person that was being 'haunted' was looking for a certain type of love. The ghost pointed out that the type of love she was looking for wasn't going to be found with another person. In short, she needed to love herself before she could get the acceptance and love she was after.
It's totally where I struggle. Loving myself....It ain't easy.
*hugs* I feel the same way about some stuff..and if she was talking about your hair...she's on something! :D And you do have talent...its a popularity thing I'm sure...they probably tell all their friends and family vote for me vote for me.
ReplyDeleteI read your blog :) :) and your insecurities are my insecurities. Sometimes it really stinks being a woman. My husband could care less what people think of him, while I sometimes care too much. Have heart and know that you have many friends who love you for who you are!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kaeloni and Lynette ... especially the popularity thing (I couldn't find a link to look at your layout before you posted it here, and I'm sure so many of the other entrants probably said something on facebook asking everyone to go vote for them).
ReplyDeleteI do read your blog ... and I've struggled with the same feelings about comments. I think it all goes back to feeling validated ... that's something many of us like to feel, and when we don't get comments it's hard to feel like what we've expressed is understood by others. I realized a while ago that I was just reading blog entries for some of the blogs that I follow and not commenting; I like to read the comments on my blog, so I figured other people would to, even if we aren't the best of friends. I started to comment even if I didn't know the person very well. There really hasn't been any reciprocation, but I don't focus so much on the comments on my blog. Granted, I still love to read them, but now I focus more on what I'm writing about me instead of what other are writing about me. Does that makes sense?
As far as the Facebook comment goes ... it's hard to fully understand what people mean online, or in emails, etc. I was joking once with my realtor and she totally thought I was serious, so it's just hard to know because we don't get to hear the inflections in each other's voices or see body language. Just know that you are beautiful, inside and out, I and I so wish I'd called you to spend some time together in Utah ... I totally had a full day just waiting around to hear from my Dad and since I was in Lehi I could have come to see you! I'll remember that for next time ... count on it!
Hey there. I read your blog! Just so you know! :)
ReplyDelete