I'm a bit behind posting this, but what else is new?
There's also another reason I am posting this late and I'll get to it in a bit.
So April 19th is usually a day of celebration in this house. April 19th is Nathaniel's birthday. This year he turned 4. I still don't know how 4 years went by so dang fast, but they did.
We don't really party it up on the kids birthdays. For the older kids we'll usually take them to dinner or something and have gifts. For the little kids I try to make a favorite dinner and give them their gifts.
This year Eric had somewhere to be ON the 19th, so we decided we'd give Nate his gifts on the 18th. As much as I didn't really like to do it - I joked around saying that he SHOULD'VE been born on the 18th, but the hospital got so crazy busy that day so I didn't go to the hospital until like 7 at night. And because I WAS in the hospital on the 18th, I thought it'd be kind of fun to give him his gifts around the same time we got to the hospital.
Nathaniel had other plans and decided to take a nap around 5. He wasn't up until 8 or so. Which would've been fine except that then Eric had to do a push for work (ask him what that really means) and so we'd have to wait until about 9.
Well this push encounters all sorts of errors and just IS NOT working the way it should so Eric doesn't finish until close to 11. We had told Nate he could open his gifts tonight, so he (and the other kids) were waiting somewhat patiently until Daddy could join us.
He finally joined us and this is what we got:
-- He was excited about this gift, he really was. But he DID NOT want to wear it for a picture... --
-- But it's okay. Eric modeled it before we bought it. We had to make sure it looked good! --
-- He loves these superhero guys and so we bought him a play place for it. He loved it! --
-- He had just a few dollars left in his bday account, so we decided to go for a few cheap little dollar actions figs. He loves these as well. --
-- Sadly, Mommy didn't pick very well.... --
-- Of course we had to let him play for a few minutes before bed! --
The next day Nate got a nice card from his best friend, Landon and I made his favorite meal of mini corn dogs and french fries.
We had Nathaniel's birthday party the following Sunday and were happy to have almost all our invitees come. We even had a party crasher! My little brother, Donovan, was in town for some reason and so he was able to grace us with his presence. Sometimes I send him invites, other times I don't. This year I didn't and it was one of the times I should've. Oh well, it makes for a funny story anyway.
On Sunday things were going fine until Eric received a call from work. There were major issues going on. Eric works with the unemployment benefits website for the state and there were tons of issues where people were filing claims and it was filing them under another person's name or something like that. In short people were getting credit for things they didn't do and other people weren't getting credit for what they did do.
Eric was working like mad for a good 3 or so hours from home debating whether or not to go into the office. Because we live so far away, he was worried the problem would be fixed by the time he got there or they'd have decided to work on in on Monday. Well, nothing was changing so he finally went in.
We knew there was a chance he'd be late for Nate's bday party, so he took Lex with him (to help ease my load) and then Nate really wanted to go. He didn't understand about having a party and being the guest of honor, he just wanted to go with his Daddy. He was really upset and went as far as to tell me to drive him to Daddy AND THEN I could take a shower. This was stressing me out as I still had to take a shower and get the last minute things done for the party. But Nate was a sad little boy and needed some love.
-- See, attitude... --
I'd love to say the night got better, and it did in tiny ways, but for the most part Nathaniel's attitude didn't change. I didn't get any pictures! You read that right NO PICTURES because he refused to leave my side. Thankfully my Mother In Law is about as obsessed with pictures as I am and became our unpaid photographer! I am so thankful for her! But this is the reason this post is so late.
My Mother In Law put all the pictures on a disc for Eric's Dad to give him on Wednesday. (They work in the same building) Well, Eric works from home on Wednesdays. Then Eric was sick on Thursday. Eric went out with the guys until late Friday night, Saturday was spent out and about, so I didn't get a chance to look at the disc until yesterday.
-- Eric's on the phone telling me they found the problem, hopefully fixed it, but had to wait around for an hour or so to make sure it really was fixed! --
Anyway, after Nate finished opening presents, he had relaxed quite a bit and let me do what I needed to. Until it was time for singing and cake. He didn't much like the attention people placed on him then, either.
-- The frosting on the cake made for very fun tongue colors! --
We finished the night out by watching Nate play with his cool rocket launcher from Aunt Kami and one by one people left. And just as most people were packing up to leave, Eric gets home!
What a birthday this was. I'll always remember it, but thankfully Nate was too little to really understand what happened. As soon as people started showing up he forgot about Daddy and enjoyed his night. I didn't relax very well at all. I was stressed and highly emotional. When everyone had left and it was just Eric, the kids and I, I really broke down.
I DO NOT recommend doing a birthday party on your own. Even when it is just family...That being said, I am grateful for my family and am glad they all showed up so that my mind was eased just a bit!
Happy Birthday, Nater Gator!
He even spent the next morning (right after the older kids left for school) insisting that I build his sand and water play set and then him and Ailey just had to play with it.
I've decided it's dangerous for me when Eric's not home, because I do things that will more than likely get me in trouble with one or more persons for any number of various reasons. This may just do the same.
So the other day, my friend Catey posted about stumbling across a blog that didn't speak very highly of her. And she was judged by a 30 second snippet of a post the other blog author read. Catey was discussing her frustration at this whole fiasco and quoted the following:
"Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those.
Furthermore, envy is a mistake that just keeps on giving. Obviously we suffer a little when some misfortune befalls us, but envy requires us to suffer all good fortune that befalls everyone we know! What a bright prospect that is—downing another quart of pickle juice every time anyone around you has a happy moment! To say nothing of the chagrin in the end, when we find that God really is both just and merciful, giving to all who stand with Him “all that he hath,” as the scripture says. So lesson number one from the Lord’s vineyard: coveting, pouting, or tearing others down does not elevate your standing, nor does demeaning someone else improve your self-image. So be kind, and be grateful that God is kind. It is a happy way to live."
"This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:
Stop it!
It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”
Both of these talks stood out to me when I originally heard them this past General Conference. I've mentioned before how much President Uchtdorf's talks get to me.
So Catey writes this post and it gets me thinking about something I had experienced the previous weeks. I am going to try my best to represent both sides well, but I'll probably fail. I mean no ill, I just have to get it off my chest. And defend myself in some aspect.
Last Thursday night was the straw that broke the camel's back and I really didn't respond in the way that I should've. That being said, I'll give you some background...
We have a family member that I've pretty much always looked up. She was everything I wasn't. Still is. She was a popular cheerleader type in High School. Pretty blonde hair, thin body and just beautiful. It was hard finding any common ground to talk about from the beginning, but we both tried.
As time went on, we just kind of stopped talking in person. We could have nice conversations over email and such, but talking in person was awkward and forced at times.
There were times she tried to tell me how to parent my children and asked why I didn't do certain things that she thought I should do. I remember one time telling her that my kids had no bedtime because a lot of nights we were just out doing things and at that point in time we adhered to whatever Eric wanted to do, as he was the one with a schedule. My kids weren't in school, I didn't have a job. We had no set schedule, so I felt we could be free with our time. She came from a different school of thinking and thought her child needed to have a bedtime. I had no issues with that. Everyone can parent differently, it doesn't matter to me. But, apparently I was doing things in all the wrong ways.
A few years later we were visiting her home (they live out of state) and when deciding what to do, she said something to the effect of, "Whatever you do, don't leave these kids here!" I only had 3 at the time and I had NO intention of leaving my kids. I felt hurt and didn't even give the impression that I was going to leave my kids. I'm still confused as to why that comment would even need to be made.
The last time they were in town, she honestly looked right at me, didn't say a word and went into the guest room. Now, I didn't say anything either - but that was hard to handle as well. Then the rest of the time they were here she only asked a question or two while she was throwing her son a birthday party with his cousins. (My kids)
I tried letting things go and tried not to let it bother me, but who I am kidding? It hurt horribly and I had NO idea what I did to deserve that kind of behavior. I still don't know exactly.
So, I've been satisfied occasionally chatting on email or Facebook. But here's where the last straw came in. I had this person as a friend on Facebook so she was able to see everything I posted. This included all of the projects I've done.
This person never said anything to me about any post I made, unless it was to correct me or critique me in some way. I've never gotten any positive feedback from her. I only get requests to not include her family in things I do for my Mother In Law and questions as to why I did certain things.
Now she's had a hard life, and I totally get that. But let's talk about my childhood for just a second. I was raised by a mother who found it much easier to tell me what I did wrong and what I needed to do to correct my mistakes. I didn't get complimented about hardly anything. That doesn't mean my mother is a horrible person, in fact she is WONDERFUL. Our personalities are just so opposite that being raised in that atmosphere didn't help my personality at all.
I've always felt second best, mediocre at best in whatever passions I pursued. I wanted to play softball when I was young because I was trying to live up to my big sister. I took up acting in Elementary school and kept up with it throughout my school years, but I never really got the big parts and always ended up in the chorus, so that meant I was second best. I worked at the same job my sister did because it was an easy hire. When I got a full time job it was because Eric's aunt and Dad had talked me up, not because I was any good at it. I love to sing, but I can't sing well. So I find scrapbooking and crafts and FINALLY it's something I'm fairly confident in. Still not 100%, but I do pretty good and I've taught myself a lot.
So I'm proud to show off my projects and I get nothing but criticism from said person. This last project was something I had come up with on my own and she was upset that I used a picture of her hubby that she didn't technically have the copyright to. I understood where she was coming from, I really did - but I was so frustrated that once again, she didn't have a nice word to say.
I replied quite negatively and tried to get across things that had bothered me for a long time. I didn't get everything across. I had to stop replying because I was becoming someone I don't like to be. I had to defriend her on Facebook so that I don't get the negativity with the things I'm so proud of. But it tore me up inside. I had to talk with my Mother In Law to get some clarity and to be reassured that I'm of value.
Eric had to call up the person related to him and try to make the waters smooth. Eric was afraid I'd put a huge wedge in this relationship and cause adverse affects to those closest to Eric. There was some more clarity that came with that as well.
What hurts most is that I've tried for 13+ years to gain this persons approval and/or friendship and I haven't been able to achieve that and it's not for anything I've purposely set out to do. She struggles because I have 5 kids and I get pregnant so easily. I can't truly understand that hurt, but I don't like that I've unintentionally hurt her, either. I didn't get pregnant to parade my fertility in front of her. I was just doing what I felt was the right course to take with my life.
I've come to realize a few things in this past week and maybe that's why I need to share this.
I've learned that this person really doesn't know me at all. If she really knew me, she'd know how much my heart aches for her (and other family) when I find out I'm pregnant ONCE AGAIN. (No, I'm not - in case anyone reads more into that then there is)
If she really knew me, she'd know that my own hell comes in the form of being a mother to 5 kids under the age of 11 sometimes. She'd know that it's hard for me to hear about all the times she taken her kid to Disneyland and we've yet to be able to take our kids there and we have to be content staying close to home.
If she really knew me, she'd know that I've always looked up to her. I've always wanted to ask her for decorating tips or help cleaning/organizing my house, but because of the negativity I receive I've been too afraid to ask.
If she knew me at all, she'd know that I am very interested in Psychology and would love to sit and talk with her and hear more about her life, so I could actually get to know her better.
If she knew me at all, she'd know that my childhood wasn't great either. Because of my family situation I felt ignored and my parents didn't really know me at all either. She'd know that my mom and I didn't have a very good relationship, even though I did my best. I still can't talk to my mom about certain things and end up turning to my Mother in Law and that fact alone KILLS ME!
If she knew me at all, she'd know that I'm jealous of her high school years. She was exactly what I wanted to be in high school, but I wasn't pretty and/or talented enough. I also didn't have the courage to be what I wanted to be - I still don't.
If she knew me at all, she'd know that all I've ever wanted is her friendship. But I have to sit by and watch her befriend everyone around but me.
In short, she just doesn't know ME. I think there's a lot of people who don't know ME. That's something else that Catey's post made me realize. Her and I had similar reactions from people in High School because we were shy. People have told me that they thought I was stuck up and/or annoying. Those words hurt like heck. If people had any idea what I was really like - they'd know I'm the farthest thing from it!
Unlike Catey, I haven't been able to break out of that shell. And so I'm sure there's still tons of people (and family, apparently) that have the wrong idea about me...I'll leave you with this - it's amazing how some people can write songs that seem to have come straight from my heart!
As I mentioned in one of our vacation posts, my Mom decided to hold off on an Easter Egg hunt until the rest of the family could participate. This meant that we did it AFTER Easter, but if you know kids - they didn't care. They were just thrilled to be doing one.
My Mom set up the egg hunt for this past weekend on Friday night, the 20th. The way she worded her email, I assumed it would be at her house. So when the kids got home from school, we loaded up the car and we were off. We had to stop by TRAX to pick up Eric and then because we had like 30 minutes until the Egg Hunt we headed to a few stores.
I dropped Eric, Lex and Ailey off at Lowe's, while I went to Walgreens with the other kids. Eric had to get stuff to fix a sprinkler head (that the fence guys broke) and other items to fix the backflow thing in the frontyard. I had to take Shaylyn to get some birthday presents for some friends. She was invited to 2 parties the next day.
After the shopping was complete and we were loading kids back in the car, I get a call from my sister. She simply says, "You do know the egg hunt is at Grandma's (my grandma), right?" I utter my frustrational 'no' and we are off to Grandma's.
I didn't let it get to me after the initial frustration, because my Grandma's house was only another 15-20 minutes away. I was also happy to have an excuse to visit my Grandma. And for the record, I had 2 other siblings who went to my Mom's house first as well. So I'm not the only crazy one.
After arriving at Grandma's, we had Little Ceasars for dinner. (And I'm a slacker mom and didn't clean faces before taking pictures...) After everyone was finished with dinner it was time for the egg hunt. The kids went crazy. The older kids knew what to do and ran in every which way. The little kids, not sure what was going on - were a little more timid, until they caught on. I missed a lot of Nate and Ailey's first moments because I was trying to get pictures of everyone.
When the egg hunt was completed it was time to open the eggs and see what was inside. Some had candy, some had a 'ticket' for money redemption and others had 'tickets' for a prize. Ailey got a good assortment of eggs, but had very little money - all things considered. Nate did alright all around. Lex got tons of candy and did okay with the money. Shaylyn did her own thing, so I'm not sure how she fared. Tanis was a lucky duck and found mostly money eggs and walked away with $8.00 and some change.
We spent the rest of the night playing in my Grandma's huge yard, enjoying a strawberry shortcake dessert and of course, visiting with Grandma.
I couldn't pick and choose only a handful of pictures this time, so I made a video instead. I know, but it makes me happy! It's about 8 minutes long - so make sure you have 8 minutes to kill. (Oh and my dear sisters, KNOW that the pictures of your child(ren) will be in your inbox sometime soonish...)
I am so happy that I live so close to family and that we can have these special moments during the year. I'm praying it'll be these things that my kids remember, instead of all the times Mommy gets mean. I'm also thankful for a Mom who makes her Grandkids a priority and tries to make holidays special for them.
Actually, for probably one of the first times in my life I was ready to leave vacation and come home. It got to the point where I wondered how anyone goes on vacation for weeks on end. Guess they don't have children to deal with, eh?
I got up somewhat early and we got everyone ready. We were out by 10:00 a.m. which was an hour earlier than we even had to be out. On the way out I had Eric stop to pick up some donuts for breakfast. (I know so very healthy - but we were in the car and they were fairly easy for the kids to eat without making huge messes) The kids were thrilled and we ate 2 bags of donuts in no time.
I slept some on the way home as did a few of the kids. Then about half an hour away from home Nate pukes! He was in the very back, the hardest child to get to (Of course) and so we just waited it out till we got home.
This meant that Nate had periods of whining for the next HALF HOUR. I did my best to try to calm him down, but really there wasn't much I could do from the front seat when he was in the back.
We got home and got him out as soon as we could. I immediately got him in the bath and he settled down. I was worried he was getting sick, but he never puked again - so I think he'd just gotten himself so worked up and had too much crap. (Regretting the donuts? Uh yeah, kinda)
We got unpacked, things put away and pretty much lazed around the rest of the day. Perfect end to the vacation!
I spent the day taking a nap and then doing laundry. Eric wondered why in the world I was doing laundry, but it's because it made it less I'd have to do when I got home and easier for me to pack. It really was a very lazy day and in between laundry I tried to get a few things put together so it'd be easier to pack up and leave in the morning.
Eric had Logan come over at some point to play some games with him and the kids. I was still doing laundry and trying to keep the little kiddos entertained.
ITSA PIZZA PIE
Around 6 we met up with my parents and Logan and had dinner at a pizza restaurant that we usually go to each year. I remember the pizza being better in previous years, but it still hit the spot. We enjoyed our meal and had some nice conversations.
IS IT BEDTIME YET?
After dinner my Dad and Logan came over to play a game. I felt bad that we sent my Mom back alone, but maybe she wanted some quiet time. I don't know. I just know I felt like a horrible daughter.
We played the game and it lasted FOREVER. Okay I may have been a pre bit occupied with things I needed to get done that night to get out at a decent time in the morning, so I wasn't really involved in the game. The game got down to my Dad and Logan and it was fun to see it play out. Logan was the victor and they left around 11 or 12.
I then packed up all the clothes and what I could from the kitchen so that it was that much less I had to do in the morning.
I spent the day taking a nap and then doing laundry. Eric wondered why in the world I was doing laundry, but it's because it made it less I'd have to do when I got home and easier for me to pack. It really was a very lazy day and in between laundry I tried to get a few things put together so it'd be easier to pack up and leave in the morning.
Eric had Logan come over at some point to play some games with him and the kids. I was still doing laundry and trying to keep the little kiddos entertained.
ITSA PIZZA PIE
Around 6 we met up with my parents and Logan and had dinner at a pizza restaurant that we usually go to each year. I remember the pizza being better in previous years, but it still hit the spot. We enjoyed our meal and had some nice conversations.
IS IT BEDTIME YET?
After dinner my Dad and Logan came over to play a game. I felt bad that we sent my Mom back alone, but maybe she wanted some quiet time. I don't know. I just know I felt like a horrible daughter.
We played the game and it lasted FOREVER. Okay I may have been a pre bit occupied with things I needed to get done that night to get out at a decent time in the morning, so I wasn't really involved in the game. The game got down to my Dad and Logan and it was fun to see it play out. Logan was the victor and they left around 11 or 12.
I then packed up all the clothes and what I could from the kitchen so that it was that much less I had to do in the morning.
