Sep 28, 2011

Weighty Wednesday: Week 2

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I'm here for my weekly check-in....


Here are week 2's photos compared with last weeks. And yes, I'll be the first to say they aren't taken in exactly the same spot/angle - I'll work on it....



Week 2 Weight: 164lbs./167 lbs. (Remember, I weigh 2-3 lbs more with clothes on...)


Week 2 Exercises: I kept a log of my exercising - so now everyone knows what I did.

Friday, Sept. 23:
20 Minutes Wii Fit

Monday, Sept. 26:
20 Minutes Zumba
20 Minutes Dance Central
1 Hour Boot Camp

Tuesday, Sept. 27:
20 Minutes Wii Fit

Wednesday, Sept. 28:
20 Minutes Zumba
20 Minutes Just Dance

Week 2 Thoughts:
So, nothing lost - but nothing gained. YAY!!! While it wasn't what I hoped for I'll take it. It's better than gaining, which is what I thought when I weighed myself this morning. I forgot the whole clothing on/off thing. I spent this morning thinking I was at 164 with clothes, and I was freaking at a 3lb. gain. I'm so glad I realized my mistake. :D

Week 2 Obstacles/Excuses:
I don't exercise on the weekends because those days get hectic. I probably won't ever get to exercising on Sundays, but I should try to get something in on Saturdays.

Food wise I didn't change much. I tried to be a little more conscientious(sp?) about my food choices, but I didn't stop eating junk. I tried to limit the junk I did eat however, and it wasn't always easy. I was at a bridal shower Saturday afternoon and had way too many goodies. Then I had a shake that night.

I did better at a birthday party on Sunday night and had nothing but a glass of Sprite as my tummy was bothering me. That's some progress...

I am happy that I exercised everyday though. Tuesday's workout was difficult as I really pulled my calf muscles and a few in my arm at bootcamp the night before. I'm still not totally 'healed', but I pushed through the pain and accomplished what I set out to do!!!


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Sep 26, 2011

Forget Me Not!

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Saturday was an all-girl day for me. It was nice.

I started out the day around 11:30. I had a bridal shower to go to and because Eric and his Dad were getting Eric's car battery replaced - the guys had to take the kids. I was kid free for an entire day.

I had to go get the bridal shower gift first, so I ran to the store and spent a good hour or so shopping. I then headed over to the shower. My little cousin (she's the same age as my little sister) is finally getting married. She swore forever that she'd never get married or have kids. Well, the first is actually happening. I am so excited for her. We had a nice time at the shower and she seems so excited.

After the shower, my mom, little sister and my sister in law all sorta grouped together and ran a few errands. We first stopped at Robert's Arts and Crafts, and if you can believe it I didn't buy a thing. Had we spent a few more minutes in there - I am positive I would've. We then had to head to Office Max because my mom needed something laminated.

We then had to quickly run to my mom's house to change into our Sunday best and then we headed to her stakehouse. The Stake Relief Society there had a nice dinner prepared and we ate some yummy soup and brownies. We then headed into the chapel for the General Relief Society Broadcast.

I'll be honest and say I had a HORRIBLE time listening this year. Usually I can gain something out of at least one of the talks by the General Relief Society presidency - this year I gained nada! I had more fun searching for members of my ward and ladies in the area singing in the choir. (I even saw a greeter that works at Walmart)

Then, President Uchtdorf got up. Things changed IMMEDIATELY. I seem to always get something from President Uchtdorf and his talk a few years ago really got to me. This year was seriously no different. From the first words out of his mouth I was hooked! It hit me so much that I started taking notes on my phone.


He based his talk around the flower - Forget Me Not.


These are the notes I took from his talk. But you can hear the whole talk here and I hope if you didn't hear it you will take the 15 minutes to listen to it. You won't regret it.

Forget Me Nots have 5 petals, so President Uchtdorf gave us 5 things to not forget...

Forget Not To Be Patient With Yourselves
- Part of our mortal experience is to have faults
- Stop punishing yourselves
- Be thankful for all the small accomplishment in your home
- God notices every small accomplishment
- The journey towards perfection is long



Forget Not The Difference Between Good Sacrifices And Not So Good Sacrifices
- Example: Getting up with a child in the middle of the night - good sacrifice, staying up all night finishing (can't remember what he said) risking your health - not so good (I am so very guilty of this)
- Good question to ask yourself, "Am I commiting my time and energies to what matters most?"





Forget Not To Be Happy NOW!
- Think about Willy Wonka & Chocolate Factory - Everyone searching for a golden ticket that they forget the simple joy they used to find in a candy bar.
- Nothing's wrong with righteous yearnings, problem is when we put our happiness on hold in search of those righteous yearnings.
- Don't fail to notice your current blessings.
- Don't spend your days waiting for the Roses that you miss the simple Forget Me Nots





Forget Not The WHY Of The Gospel
- Sometimes we see the gospel as a long list of to-do's in our busy schedules
- The gospel is not an obligation, but a pathway
- When we understand the why of the gospel, and the why it's the foundation of our lives - it's no more a burden, but a delight.
- Seek out the majesty, beauty and joy of the gospel.





Forget Not That The Lord Loves YOU
- Even when you feel small and insignifigant, know now that you are NEVER FORGOTTEN!
- I am NOT FORGOTTEN!
- No matter how dark our days seem, no matter how small, insignifigant or overshadowed we feel in comparison with others - our Heavenly Father loves you. The king of EVERYTHING loves you.
- Man is crowned with glory and honor.
- Heavenly Father loves us because we are his DAUGHTERS.
- We are closer to Heaven than we suppose.
- Treasure your gift of membership in the gospel.





The Forget Me Not is a symbol of things small and great!
Never forget that you are precious daughters in Father's kingdom.





All I can say is WOW! He touched on so many issues I've been struggling with for so very long. It was good to be reminded just how much we are loved and how we are always remembered. Even when the world doesn't remember us - our HEAVENLY FATHER NEVER forgets us. NEVER! It was such a blessing to hear it.

After conference we headed back to my mom's to change. I got to see my baby brother all 'dressed up' for his first High School dance. Some girl asked him to Homecoming and even though he acted like he didn't want to go - his Facebook status proves he had fun.

We then headed to Leatherby's for ice cream. There is a Cafe Rio right next to this Leatherby's and because of how crowded the parking lot was, I ended up parking closer to Cafe Rio. So as my sister in law and I are passing Cafe Rio I see a lady that looks a lot like my cousins wife. Seated next to hear is a girl that looks like her daughter. I look across the table and see my aunt and cousin. So we go in and chat with them for a bit. It was so nice and we had a good conversation.

In the meantime my mom and sister had arrived at Leatherby's and wondered where we were. We told them and they forgave us. We are getting seated and see an old Young Woman leader that I had. We say hi and talk for a minute.

We get seated across from a kid I knew in High School. I wasn't sure he'd recognize me or even acknowledge me, but he did and he was so nice to say hi and then as he was leaving to say something to the effect of 'it was good to see you.' He's always been a great guy and I should've given him more credit to begin with.

As we were starting to finish up I noticed one of my old friend's husbands paying. I wasn't sure if she was with him and I tried to be slow about leaving to see if she was. We were outside talking before we all went our separate ways, when this friend came out with her hubby. It was good to see her and we chatted for a minute.

She has a daughter with some sort of rare disability. I think at one time she was 1 of 3 in the whole state with it. Anyway to give you some sort of idea - this little girl is now 7 and is just barely learning to walk. So my friend was with another friend of theirs who has a daughter with disabilities as well and listening to them speak made my heart hurt. They are some awesome people with an amazing spirit. They understand why the Lord allowed their children to live in such an awful state and instead of being angry, they try to bring people around to understanding these sweet children. I've been in awe of my friend for years dealing with her sweet little girl.

I got home around 11 and was just so at peace and thankful for all I was blessed with in a day. It was good to have some socializing with other people and I'm thankful I have a mother who makes Women's Conference an important get together every year! I'm also EXTREMELY greatful for a husband who supports me every year and watches his kids ALL DAY LONG without whining and complaining that he has to do so!





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The Greatest Show On Earth

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A few months ago Eric's Dad asked us about going to the circus. Eric and I weren't extremely thrilled, but knowing that the kids would enjoy it - we said we'd go.

The day came last Friday. The kids and I left the house just before 5 to go pick up Eric from the Trax station. I don't enjoy driving downtown and pretty much refuse to do so, so it meant we had to pick Eric up.

We got to the event center and had to wait about a half hour for the doors to open. We were actually that early for once in our lives. The kids had fun running around crazy outside while we waited.


We got inside and walked all the way around the stupid building, just to realize we then had to walk up the steps to get to our seats. I was nervous as I don't do well with heights - and apparently neither does Tanis - , but was relieved when I found out that instead of going up more steps and being in the very topmost nosebleeds we ended up in the first row of nosebleeds, which meant we actually went down a few steps.

Because we were so early we were able to watch the preshow. There was a LOT going on and TONS of people down on the floor. It was the epitome of why I hate circus'. Okay, truth be told - I've only been to a circus one time before. That was a 3 ring circus and totally chaotic. I HATED it and vowed I'd never go to a circus again.

I was more than thrilled to learn that The Ringling Brothers/Barnum & Bailey Circus doesn't really do the whole 3 ring thing. When they do have 3 rings out it is similar acts going on - except for the preshow. During the actual show the 3 rings were only used for the horses and jugglers. I was so pleased.

We had a great time and here's a few of the pics from the night:

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Sep 22, 2011

Weighty Wednesday

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I am THE QUEEN of weekly entries gone bad, right? Well, hopefully this time will be different. I am going to start something called WEIGHTY WEDNESDAY!


WEIGHTY WEDNESDAY is going to be the day I 'check-in' with all my 'doctors'. WEIGHTY WEDNESDAY will be my day of accountability. Let me explain more...

I've been unhappy with my weight for a number of years...probably 7 or more, but I'm the type of personality that doesn't do anything about it. Never have. I didn't have to worry about it for a long, long time and was blessed with fairly good genes for a teenage girl. Then I started having kids...and the weight just kept on coming - BECAUSE I never took charge over the weight gain.

I am hoping to change this. I am hoping that by 'answering' to someone other than family, it will give me the motivation to keep on going. I am hoping to lose 35 lbs. total. At first I thought I could accomplish that goal by December 20th. Then I realized how crazy that really is. So, I'll go for dropping 10 - 15 lbs. by December 20th. After that we'll set a new goal.

A lot of motivation to get this going now came from my Grandma's death. She'd been overweight since I could remember. I remember when I was little she joined a Weight Watchers type thing called Tops. She lost quite a bit of weight then but she was still overweight at her passing.

Because she was overweight it caused quite a few of her health issues. She didn't recover from surgeries as quickly and she wasn't very active during her good periods. She also developed Diabetes from being overweight.

I don't want to die an early death because I didn't take care of my body the way I should've.

My biggest obstacles with this are going to be the fact that I love sweets and I tend to be an emotional eater. I wake up tired most mornings and there are days its hard to work-out.

This is how it's going to work -

* Each week I will post 5 pictures....A last week photo from the side and front, a current week photo from the side and front and a picture of the scale, so you know I'm not fudging numbers.
* I will post about what exercises I did or didn't do and for how long.
* I'll let you know how I felt about what I ate during the week.
* I'll then share my thoughts on what the current weeks weight is at.
* Finally I'll post about obstacles/excuses that may have gotten in the way.

Now, I realize that today isn't Wednesday (WHAT?!?!?!), but I wanted to get this started ASAP, so the first round won't be a full week, but we'll deal right?

Here's week 1's photos (right after working out in the morning....they are lovely pictures)....



Week 1 Starting Weight: 164lbs./167 lbs. (Okay, I kinda freaked this morning when I took this picture - the day before I only weighed 164 lbs. I then realized that yesterday I took the picture sans clothes, so when I did it today it was still 164 lbs. Therefore I will be posting both weights every day...)


Week 1 Exercises: Even though I knew I was going to start doing this (Even had Eric buy a scale for this purpose), I didn't really do any form of exercise before today. Today I started strong with 20 minutes of Zumba and 25 minutes of Dance Central.

Week 1 Thoughts:
I've been living in some kind of dream world where I don't realize just how 'big' I am. I've slowly come to the realization that I'm not as small as I think I should be. Shopping for clothes is depressing and it's rare I find something I think I look good in. Time to change that now!

Week 1 Obstacles/Excuses:
I just didn't want to take time to exercise. Nathaniel takes over the tv most mornings and there are times I just don't want to fight him. He's the meanest of kids when you take things like that away from him.

As for eating, I kind of ate what I wanted because I knew I'd have to change soon - and I'm scared to do so.


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Sep 16, 2011

A Bientot

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I have this brother (okay, yes, technically I have 4 brothers) that is just super amazingly talented. Anything he's ever put his mind to he's accomplished. With only a year or so of formal piano lessons he's an awesome piano player - he's great at sight reading music. He took French & Japanese in High School and learned both quite fluently. He is very intelligent and accomplished a lot education wise.

A year or so ago he told me he had applied for a job in Japan teaching English. Well he never heard anything which meant, of course, that he didn't get it. Then a few months ago, my little sister told me that my brother was moving to France. I was shocked and was instantly curious as to why. When I talked with my brother he told me that he got a job teaching English to French high school students.

I was thrilled for him! He went after something and achieved it. I'm proud that he had the courage to do something so big. I am a super proud big sister - and truth be told, I am a teeny tiny bit jealous. I've always wanted to visit France. I'll just have to settle for little trinkets he may see fit to send me.

So my brother hopped on a plane around 5 this morning. He is staying for a week in Washington, D.C. I'm not sure why - but then he'll be headed to France. Because he was leaving so early this morning I took the kids to my Mom's last night so we could say "goodbye".









I'll miss Devin for sure! He's one of the brothers that will come play games with Eric and I. He's super sweet with the kids and has a special bond with Shaylyn. I think of all the kids she'll miss him the most. I'll miss the beautiful piano music coming from the other room when we are visiting my Mom. I'll just miss Devin. But I hope he gains A LOT from this experience and that he'll find a new appreciation for family and life!

By the way - HE OWES ME BIG TIME!!! I was the one that introduced my family to French. Devin wouldn't have taken French if it weren't for me. I should get something in return for that, right? ;)


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Sep 14, 2011

Life Goes On...

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Last week after hearing the news of my Grandma's passing, life didn't stop. I guess it never stops for anyone. Let me walk you through this past week, it's been interesting and very much an emotional rollercoaster for our little family...

THURSDAY SEPT. 8 - Because the news of my Grandma's passing hit me so hard - I didn't do a darn thing in regards to housekeeping on Wednesday. I knew the weekend was going to be busy, so I planned to get mostly caught up with laundry on Thursday. That was a good plan for the most part, but my brother in law's girlfriend, Sava was going to come over to redo my nails. (Planned this before my Grandma's death and hadn't called to tell her not to come)

Sava is such an awesome person and I'm so glad I know her! Besides making my nails look so cutesy and feminine, she is a great person to talk to. She hadn't heard that I had lost my Grandma before I told her and she was great to lend an ear. She lost her mom a few weeks ago and could understand the pain. We were also able to talk about many other things and time went out the window - so the laundry didn't get quite as caught up as I hoped. But - my pain was lessened.

FRIDAY SEPT. 9 - Greg and Sava invited us to go to the fair with them. We had never been to the fair as a family and I can remember only going twice when I was younger. Once my friend, Katie invited me to go with her and her parents and the other time I went with my cousin, Katie, while her mom had a booth at the fair. So, it'd been awhile.

The kids were ecstatic to find out that we were going to the fair. We even heard comments about how it was even better than Lagoon (Okay, so my kids may be a bit deprived...). After a miscommunication about where to meet up with Greg and Sava, we eventually found each other. We took a potty break right away, but then it was time to play.

We first let the older kids WALK ON WATER. Okay, this looked like so much fun and if I was more sure about myself, I may have tried it. Our kids LOVED this and for a good part of the time were the only one trying it. The pictures don't do this thing justice - but if you watch the video you can see how fun it was.








After they walked on water, Greg and Sava got some ride tickets for the kids. They chose a couple rides to ride on and had fun doing so. We got Nate to ride on the little Dragon Coaster and even though it looked like he was crying, he wasn't. He was just unsure of what to think - but he said he had fun.



We then did the BIG SLIDE with the carpet squares. Originally it was going to be all the kids (minus Ailey) and Greg and I. Well Lex backed out and halfway up the stairs Nate decided he didn't want to ride. But I'm a mean mom and wouldn't take Nate back down the stairs so we went down the slide with Nate hanging onto my neck. Fun times!


After the group went down the slide, Greg still had the one ticket left. He asked who wanted it and Shaylyn automatically spoke up. She was so excited that she grabbed the carpet, ran past the ticket guy and up the stairs. She got halfway up the stairs when she realized she didn't give the ticket to the guy. She then made a Mom proud, by running back down the stairs and giving the ticket to the guy. It made us all laugh.

Greg and Sava then wanted to get each of the kids a trinket. Tanis chose a turtle necklace, the little boys chose light swords (sabers....I get corrected everytime I say it wrong) and Shaylyn found a jewelry shop and spent 15 minutes trying to find the perfect thing. She found a necklace with feathers in black and another in yellow and THOSE were perfect for her!

We had a good night and we were so thankful to Greg and Sava for getting us out of the house and giving us something to do then to dwell on what had happened...




SATURDAY SEPT. 10 - We had family pictures planned for this day. Like BIG family pictures. Meaning my parents and siblings. Yes, we still did the pictures - even in light of my Grandma's passing. Now, lest you think we are all so callous as to not cancel something like this - let me explain. I have a brother leaving for France for a job opportunity this Friday. This was honestly the last time we could get together for another year or so to get family pictures done. So even though our hearts were heavy (especially my Dad's), we decided it was best to get it done.
Eric had a friends bachelor party to attend in the early afternoon (What can I say - the guy's on his 3rd marriage and Eric and his friends are a bunch of geeks), so I was on my own getting kids ready. For the most part the kids cooperated, but the 2 who usually give me trouble (Nate and Lex) gave me trouble AGAIN.

We get in the car and I'm only running 10 minutes behind (Which is actually good for me) and just as I back out of the driveway I hear the wonderful sound of puking. Nate has puked all over his shirt and pants for pictures. I run into the house and luckily find another shirt in the agreed upon color and another pair of pants. I don't change him yet cause I'm running late.

While driving to Eric's friends house to pick him up Nate pukes again. I've been chalking it up to drinking too much milk/bad milk and leave it at that - thinking it'll be okay once it clears his system.

We get to the place for pictures and get Nate cleaned up and meet up with the family for pictures. (Luckily I had let people know that I was running behind and told them to do what they could without me and so they weren't waiting the whole time) Just before we get together for the big family picture, Nate pukes again. Thankfully Eric caught it and bent Nate so that he would puke on the ground and not on his clothes. We get the pictures taken without any other incident.

After pictures we drop Eric off at his buddy's house to pick up some stuff he had left. While Eric was getting his stuff Nate pukes yet again. I tell Eric he needs to stop and pick up some Sprite and Gingerale and I'll take Nate right home. Nate falls asleep in the car and stays asleep while I transfer him to the couch when we get home. We are thinking, "Good, now we can get some peace and he'll get some sleep."

When Nate wakes up he is back to himself and we are thinking, "Yay, we are good now. He's better." A few minutes later Lex stands up and pukes. We tell him to get to the bathroom and he gets halfway down the hall and pukes 2 more times before Eric grabs him and puts him in the bathroom.

By this time we decide to be prepared. Lex was acting normal again as well, but we didn't want to take any chances. Before we know it, Tanis is taking a turn. Tanis pukes at least 4 more times during the night before bed. During which time we were trying to get Ailey settled down, so she was hanging out with us in our bed. When Eric got up to take care of Tanis, Ailey then puked on our bed. Thankfully, no one puked during their sleep and the 3 little ones seemed okay after they got it all out.

SUNDAY SEPT. 11 - We skip church today as we had sick kids and we needed to head to Eric's parents house earlier than usual, so we could have dinner before my Grandma's viewing. The morning wasn't anything out of the ordinary and no one else puked again. Tanis still felt a little off, but for the most part he was fine.

We get out of the house around 4, and get to Eric's parents with no incident....or so we thought. I overhear Eric's dad talking to one of the kids saying, "You threw up in the car?" We find out that it's Shaylyn and we go check out the car, but can't see where she might've thrown up. But we get her a bucket anyway and sure enough during the course of dinner she threw up a few times.

Eric's parents, Greg and Sava offer to babysit while we go to the viewing. Tanis is the only kid who decides to come to the viewing with us. I don't do well at the viewing - I never have. It's hard to see these people I love, at rest. My grandma looked peaceful, but it didn't really look like her. When I get to my uncle he pulls out this geneology book that someone had donated and he turns to a page to a picture of my grandma when she was 9 or 10 and says, that it reminded him of me. That made the tears flow even more, but it was so nice to see. Eric's parents came to give their condolences to my parents and they took Tanis back to their house with them.

Because of the time the funeral was starting the next morning and because I'd have to get 6 people ready, we stayed the night at Eric's parents home. They live closer to where the funeral was being held than we do.

Eric and I had to share a bed with Ailey, which meant none of us slept real well, but I slept okay and awoke mostly prepared for the next day.

MONDAY SEPT. 12 - Eric's parents were extremely sweet and took the day off to watch the younger kids. Because Shaylyn still wasn't feeling well she stayed behind as well. The viewing before the funeral I handled much better than I did the night before - until it came time for that one last goodbye before they closed the casket, then I cried and cried. Tanis even got choked up at this point. My dad offered a nice family prayer and then it was onto the funeral service.

The funeral was so nice. My aunt was able to read a life sketch that she had taken the time to write down before my Grandma's death. There were so many stories about my Grandma as a little girl and a mother that I had never heard before. My uncle portrayed wonderful stories about my Grandma that each of her kids remembered. There was a time where anybody could share stories/memories about my Grandma. My Grandpa said that he had "THE BEST WIFE IN THE WORLD" and told a story about if he served 2 more months they would promote him to something higher in the military world. When he asked my Grandma her opinion she simply said, "I don't know what you're going to do, but I'm going home." She was just that polite and kind.

Eric even got up and shared a special memory he had. Eric's own Grandma died when he was real young and the only memory he had of her was that she would always have a bowl of candy waiting for them. He went on to say how much it meant to him that one day my Grandma pulled out a batch of her freshly made sugar cookies and offered them to our kids. That was something I overlooked.

I shared about a time when I was young when my Grandparents were taking care of my uncle's dog for whatever reason. That dog then bit my finger. It wasn't bad - but it needed to be cared for. I shared how gently she took care of it and that she was the perfect example of service. Even the times when she was supposed to be laid up, she wanted to make sure we were all comfortable and had some of her goodies to eat.

The funeral brought out many tears and even more regret that I never took the time to get to know her better. So many little things I should've known about her life that I didn't. I am glad I know some of those stories now, though the reason why is hard.

We then went to the burial and it was very short and sweet. She is buried next to her mother in law and I'm sure we'll be visiting that place a lot more than we previously had. We went back to the church and had a wonderful luncheon. The people in my Grandparents ward went out of their way to serve us.


After the luncheon we headed back to Eric's parents to pick up our other kids and all our belongings. We had a piece of pizza and loaded up. We were so grateful to Eric's parents for all that they did, but we wanted to get home and I'm sure they wanted their peaceful, quiet home back! ;)

Towards the end of the night my stomach started bugging me. I was hoping I had just eaten too much, but knew I was probably getting whatever the kids had....

TUESDAY SEPT. 13 - I woke up at 1:00 a.m. and puked. Yup, it had finally hit me as well.

After I puked I felt like someone had jabbed me in the stomach and I felt that way through most of the day. Eric stayed home from work to take care of the kids and I slept most of the day.
Sometime after noon this sickness hit Eric as well. We then had to take turns playing parent - though he took the first shift and Shaylyn pretty much played Mom and fed everyone. I woke up at 8:00 and took the bedtime shift. It was hard as I still felt out of it and weak, but I managed.

We also found out that we got Eric's parents sick and Sava sick. I felt so bad. Thankfully it's a quick moving bug.

So yes, life goes on. Life doesn't stop for anything. I'm thankful that I was able to attend my Grandma's viewing and funeral before I got sick. I'm thankful to have family around willing to watch my kids when we need it. I'm thankful for a husband who takes such good care of me even when he feels just as bad as I do. I'm thankful for the knowledge of a life after this - otherwise times like this would be that much harder!




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Sep 9, 2011

I'm Awesome....

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....and I have a sticker to prove it!

I need to back up a bit. The sticker is actually the end of the story.

Wednesday morning was an interesting morning. I went to bed at 3:00 a.m. because I was at book club the night before into the wee hours of Wednesday morning. I knew Wednesday would be tough because of a lack of sleep, but I didn't think I'd get awoken at 6:30 a.m. to both little ones screaming! Nate just wanted a drink, but Ailey was ready to be awake.

The next few hours the kids were all wound up. Lex didn't want to get ready for school (as usual), Nate and Ailey were as loud as they could be and fighting every second. I had a headache from the lack of sleep and then those two were just making it worse.

Eventually Ailey went down for her nap and I had some time to myself. I got onto the computer and noticed an instant message from my little sister. She asked if I had gotten a text from my mom. I replied that I had only gotten one and it said, "Grandma's not doing well, she's back in the hospital."

My little sister told me I should've gotten two messages. The next message said something to the effect of things really weren't going well and she wasn't responding to CPR. A few seconds after I got that message from my sister, I got a text from my mom that said, "She's gone."

It was that quick. My Grandma died on Wednesday morning from Cardiac Arrest. It came on suddenly, but she'd been having trouble before.

A few weeks ago she fell and broke her knee right above where she had already had a replacement. She was taken to the E.R. and they were going to wait to do surgery, but for whatever reason they did it later that day. Apparently it was a tricky surgery, but she came out okay. And for the next little while she was getting better (or so I thought).

I saw my dad at my nephew's birthday party a week or so after the surgery and he said that Grandma was taken to the hospital again. She had originally been at the Care Center my dad is currently working at for a few hours, but then she got a fever and had to be rushed back to the hospital. That was the last I had heard, so I thought things were getting better. Apparently they weren't as she went into Cardiac Arrest Wednesday morning.

I was lucky and Eric was working from home Wednesday so he was home to comfort me right away, and I needed it. Eric then went and got the groceries we needed to get and we then headed to my parents for the next few hours.

We just spent the time talking and being together. We had no agenda, we just needed that time to be together. It was difficult to see my dad so quiet and beside himself. He didn't really say anything and I don't really blame him. His mom was very good to him and I'm sure he is hurting in ways some of us can't understand.

The kids really had no idea what had happened. We weren't very good at getting together with my dad's parents. They came to birthday parties and we saw them on the occasional holiday - but my kids didn't really know them. Tanis was a bit upset, but the other kids were just kind of "okay, well that's sad." So the kids spent the night playing in the basement and just being kids.

When we decided to leave for the night we told the kids to clean up downstairs. After they did so, my nephew came upstairs and asked my mom if they could have a sticker for cleaning up. (I guess she's given him stickers whenever he cleans up) My mom took the kids down and they all chose their stickers.

Lex had a bunch on his hands and was giving them out to others. He gave me the one that said, "AWESOME" and told me that I was an awesome Mom! It was so sweet and something I really needed to hear that day.

Anyway, so the next few days are going to be interesting and some will be harder than others. For those of you that see me around, if I'm not quite the same and burst into tears at any given moment - please understand. I'm dealing with a lot of guilt and regret as I wasn't a very good granddaughter and the last time I saw my Grandma was probably in May. It's also hard because I have a lot of traits that I inherited from this Grandma. Things about me that I can't really change, and now I don't want to. I'll always have a part of her with me having these same traits. We love you, Grandma!

So there's my small update...

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