If you'll remember back in September we were told that Eric's dad was given 2 years if he started on some aggressive chemo. This was worth it to him and his first round of treatment went well. The next round didn't go so well and his body really wasn't handling it. Because of this and the rate at which the cancer was growing, the doctors gave us a life estimate of now 2 months, this was about October 22.
Eric's mom had to take his dad into the hospital on the 21st for fluids. It was also the day they put Dad on Hospice care. I'm not sure when it happened but at some point a couple days later, we were given 2 weeks. ONLY 2 WEEKS.
Knowing that time was running out and his mom would need his help, Eric spent October 24th and most of the 25th at his parents home. I went out to visit with Dad the night of the 25th and asked my mom to watch the kids. We sat with Dad for an hour or so and it was so sad to see the condition he was in. There was a game on, but he couldn't really watch it. He was drugged up to ease his pain and so he kept drifting in and out. He'd occasionally come to and Eric's brother, Ken would give him and update on the game and he'd respond very simply. During this visit the Hospice nurse came because Dad was running a fever and so Eric's mom and the nurse were talking over him about him. When they walked out of the room he mentioned his frustration about people talking about him. He was tired of it.
Around 8:30 or so, Eric and I decided to get the kids and head home. Eric spent a few hours at home Saturday morning, but in the early afternoon he packed up prepared to spend the next several days at his parents. I had to stay home and play mom.
Shaylyn and Tanis really wanted to be these characters from a tv show for Halloween, but we had nothing for it. So I had to take the kids shopping to get these odds and ends. Tanis was also going on an all-day field trip to watch the High School Marching Band compete, so really, I had to stay home to make sure I was there to pick him up.
Sunday came and while I was thinking about going to church, I just didn't have the strength emotionally to deal with 6 kids alone. So I took my time getting everyone ready and around 2 the kids and I headed over to Grandma and Grandpa's. It was depressing to see the rate and which Dad was declining. He couldn't even speak by Sunday and was more out of it than in. We decided that we'd better let the kids visit Grandpa, and had them do so one by one.
Ailey kept running down the hall by Grandpa's room and could see that he was asleep and she was so eager to visit him, but people kept visiting and so she had to wait. When there was a lull in visitors we took Ailey in. Mom explained to Dad that Ailey was there and it took a lot of his effort, but he briefly turned his head and we saw him light up just a bit. Ailey was kind of afraid to get too close, but it was enough for Grandpa to know that she was there.
The other kids went one by one. Shaylyn said she gave him a hug and a kiss and told him goodbye. Not sure how things happened with Lex, but Nate & Tanis went in together and Nate very sweetly said, "We love you, Grandpa."
When the time was getting late, I packed up the kids and headed back home so they could get to school the next morning. It broke my heart to have 2 of my kids crying the whole way home. The car was super quiet and everyone was alone in their thoughts. After school on Monday, we went back to Grandma & Grandpa's. The kids were great to stay downstairs and play quietly. I don't think I visited with Eric's Dad that night though, it was just getting too hard and Jace wasn't real happy. Once again we made the hour long drive back home, alone.
Eric decided he'd come home late Tuesday afternoon so that he could make it to Tanis' band concert and I wouldn't have to go alone. He wanted to be at his parents on Tuesday morning though, because a special visitor was going to be visiting with his dad.
On Monday afternoon, Eric's mom had gotten a call that Dave Rose, the head coach of BYU's Basketball team wanted to visit with Dad. Dave Rose also has/had Pancreatic Cancer and I guess Dad had wanted to visit with him. I'm not totally clear on all the details here, so hopefully Eric or his mom can correct me where needed...Eric's Dad went to school and was friends with the sports writer Dick Harmon. He had contacted Dick at some point previous, but Dick was out of town. Somehow he got Dave Rose to agree to come out and we all just wished it had been a week or two sooner.
Either way, on Tuesday morning, Dave Rose stopped by to visit Dad. Sadly, he was so out of it, we don't know if he even registered that he as there. Dave brought a basketball signed by the whole team and I'm not sure how long he stayed, but Eric was glad to be there for that.
So Eric came home that afternoon and after he was home an hour he started getting ready to take Tanis to the school for the concert. That's when we got the phone call that Dad had passed away. Our world stopped. We weren't sure what to do next or how best to proceed.
We decided it was best to take Tanis to his concert, it really would've been what Dad would've told us to do. He supported Tanis 100% on that clarinet and loved to hear him play. So Eric took Tanis and told me to get ready. I brushed through my hair, didn't put makeup on cause I knew I'd be crying it off, got Jace ready and headed to the school. It seemed like we were there for an eternity before they started. Neither one of wanted to be at the concert, but knew it's where we were supposed to be. I felt bad that Eric had come home and wasn't there to help his mom and brother shoulder the load when his Dad actually passed.
Anyway, after Tanis finished his two songs we pulled him and left. We thanked my parents who had made the hour drive just for 5 minutes of music for coming out. They wanted to know how best to help and we just didn't have an answer for them. After saying goodbye, we drove home and frantically packed up all the kids and stuff we'd need for a couple days. We then made the drive to Eric's parents house.
Eric and I were both so out of our element that we missed the street we wanted to take and ended up taking the slightly longer route. When we finally got to Eric's parents, the kids obediently went to the basement to all the 'toys' and Eric and I went in to say our goodbyes. Eric's aunt came in and wanted us to listen to a beautiful song that she had. It was beautiful and put me in more tears than I already was. She wanted Mom to listen to the song as well, but I knew emotionally I couldn't handle seeing Mom react to that song, so I excused myself.
We spent a lot of time that night just visiting and waiting for the funeral home to come take the body. During this time Eric's aunt took a few pictures.
The hardest part of the night for me, was when the morticians took his body out of the house. We purposely kept the kids downstairs so they didn't have to see any of that stuff happening. We spent the night at Eric's moms house and uncle Greg was great to let the kids invade his territory in the basement and he helped get them situated for bed.
The next morning, Eric, Greg and Mom had to head to the funeral home to make some arrangements. I was lucky enough to be able to go for a short bit. My mom watched the kids for me, but had to get to work at one. I was able to be there when they chose the casket and a few other things like that and I was so thankful I had that chance. The rest of the day is a bit of a blur to me. We spent the night at Mom's again and I was trying to decide what our course of action would be for Halloween.
Halloween morning rolls around and I decided it was probably best to give the kids some sense of 'normal'. So Eric kept Jace with him, and I took the other kids home. I needed to clean up the house, do some laundry and repack for a few more days. Plus, we still needed to get a few costumes together. Eric went shopping with his Mom and brother for the day.
I was so not in the mood to celebrate Halloween and we came home to uncarved pumpkins, which I had totally written off. However, Shaylyn was so sweet and carved everyone's pumpkin but the one for Eric and I. I had a special plan for that one. I put the Y from BYU in it, in honor of Dad.
After trick or treating, we came home and I got everything together and washed dishes while we waited for the older kids to get home. When they got home we got everything in the car and headed back out. Eric told me I didn't have to drive back out, but I missed my baby and I knew Eric wasn't too happy at the prospect of having Jace by himself overnight.
The next day I had the privilege of going shopping with Mom and her best friend, Kathy. Mom wanted something nice to wear to the funeral and also wanted more comfortable shoes. The first store we went to we struck out on. Then we tried Dillards and also struck out. We headed into DownEast Basics and while we didn't find anything for Mom, Kathy was insistent on buying me something. We walked out of there with a new skirt and jacket/cardigan type thing. I was feeling guilty because this trip wasn't about me, it was supposed to be for Mom. We then stopped in at Christopher and Banks and finally found a few things for Mom. But again, Kathy struck and saw something immediately she wanted me to have. I liked it and so I also got a dress and a shirt. Mom found 2 shirts that she thought might work with the skirts she had at home.
We still needed shoes though, so we tried Macy's. They were having a sale on shoes and though it took some time Mom found some shoes that she thought would work. She then bought me a pair of boots to go with my new dress. Seriously felt totally spoiled and guilty all at once. We were about to leave the mall when it occurred to Kathy that I didn't have a blouse to go with my skirt and cardi. I was just going to use something at home, but she insisted on finding something - so we went back to Christopher and Banks and found the perfect item.
We got back to Mom's and had some pizza for lunch. The ward brought dinner later and after we ate, we packed up and headed home for a day and night in our 'normal' surroundings.
There will be more on this story coming up...
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