30 Days of Truth: Days 3, 4, 5 & 6

See, I've yet to actually post something EVERY day. In my defense though (yup, I'm always making excuses for myself) this weekend was super busy. Saturday I was busy cleaning the house for Tanis' bday party (more on that in a day or so), Sunday we went to church and then had Tanis' bday party and Monday was spent away from the house all day. So there you have it. And I am just realizing that I need to account for today. It's Tuesday not Monday. Ay yi yi...

Okay, well we're all set to go. I'm gonna count down so that you have the most current entry first.



DAY 6 - SOMETHING THAT EXCITES YOU AND FILLS YOU WITH JOY

This one is super easy and probably super obvious....

My kids are so much fun, especially Ailey. They are all so different and live life so differently. It's fun to watch them grow, learn and develop. Ailey is especially at an age where everything is just so fun to watch. The excitement she feels when she sees mommy or daddy and how cute she looks when she literally runs to us. To see the anxiety she has around strangers - yet she will always offer a smile.

It's all these little things that fill me with joy. Super simple, but so amazing!


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DAY 5 - SOMETHING IN LIFE THAT GIVES YOU BALANCE

Life can be hard, that is a given. And since this is a truth challenge, I'm going to be very forward here...

There's been many days where I just want to give up, call it quits and move on. There's been days I've thought the darkest thoughts you can possibly think. I've been known to harm myself in order to 'feel better'. I've often wondered if anyone would care if I left this world. I've wondered if anyone would show up at my funeral. I've wondered how long it would take Eric to move on. Would he immediately find someone new, or would he live the rest of his life alone? I have had THOSE moments.

But, when my cousin decided to go through with those deep, dark thoughts, it woke me up! It's sad to say that his death had to shake me up and make me see things beyond myself. To witness the grief that his widow and sons had to bare, and to see the horribly wrong choices these young men have made since their father's death was such a wake up call.

Since my cousin's passing it has put balance in my life on those horribly dark days. When I start to think those horrible, ugly thoughts - they suddenly turn to Greg. I wouldn't want to leave my kids in such a state. I wouldn't want to put Eric through all the pain and grief that would come with that. And for the most part - my life is WONDERFUL. I can't let a week of frustration and stress break it all away for me.


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DAY 4 - SOMETHING THAT IS PART OF YOUR ROUTINE THAT YOU ENJOY

That word routine I don't enjoy. I don't enjoy 'routines', but I do have one every day. It's just the way things get done. If I didn't have some sort of routine, nothing would get accomplished. Since most of my routine is work and cleaning to keep this place in some sort of order, the only other thing that is routine is my shower/bath. It's my favorite part of the day. I'll usually wait until Ailey is napping so that I can have the time to myself. The older kids are good to watch Nate and so I really do get about 10 minutes of peace. It's wonderful and it helps to have a jetted tub!

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DAY 3 - SOMETHING WITH WHICH YOU STRUGGLE

I really struggle with liking how I look, as a lot of people do. It's odd because I've never much liked how I looked. In High School I thought I was A LOT bigger than I actually was, now I WISH I looked like I did in High School.

For the most part I can look in the mirror and be okay with what I see from the neck up. It's when I look at everything below the neck that I get uneasy. I hate looking at pictures of me if I'm not hidden behind something.

I know I have 5 kids and they've all added their little remembrance and some days I'm okay with that. But it gets difficult living around people who have as many as 8 kids and they look the same as they did before kids. A lot of my High School friends also look about the same, which is terrific for them and I'm really not jealous. It's just difficult to love how I look.

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And now I'm off to shower. Yes, it's 6:00 at night. No, I really haven't showered yet. Don't judge me! Like I said we had a busy few days and I just barely got clothing washed so I can get dressed. If I didn't have to go Visiting Teaching I probably would've stayed in my jammies all day. Sue me!