Life Is Just One Crushing Defeat After Another... Sometimes.

Let's rewind a couple weeks, shall we? Let's discuss the week of February 13 to today. Now don't worry, I'm not gonna give you a run down of each of these days - but what I am talking about all takes place in this time frame.

Let's Begin....

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 13 - So I get up the nerve to call a missed number from the week before. I was pretty sure the number was from a place where I had applied for a job. I was waiting for them to call back and they never did - so I got the nerve up and called them.

To my surprise and delight they said they had an interview that day at either 2 or 4. I opted for the 2:00.

Eric messaged me a few minutes later letting me know that I may have to go pick him up. He wasn't feeling well and needed to come home. He had carpooled with one of his buddies and though he was trying to convince his buddy to cut out of work early (he's a bad influence, I know), he hadn't heard from him.I told Eric that was okay because I had just set up this interview at 2. It would work out well. He could get off at the TRAX station right by this business and we were set.

We had lunch and then I went to the interview. I thought the interview went well and the hours were totally doable. I'd have to get a babysitter (which I counted on anyway), but the hours were totally doable. The guy interviewing said he had interviewed like 4 people already and had another one after me, but they should know by 5:00 that night what they were doing and someone would call.

Being a mother of 5, life get's busy sometimes. I went and picked Tanis up from band and then I had to get some groceries. Then it was time for dinner and spending time with Eric. Before I realized it, it was like 9:00 at night and I hadn't gotten a call. I wasn't too worried, just thought maybe the day at the business got too busy and she'd call the next morning.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14 - Happy Valentine's Day!

I honestly had no expectations for this day. Eric and I had agreed that we'd celebrate on the weekend and that was fine. I made cookies for the kids and I to decorate. Then I went about making a card for Eric to go with his simple Valentine's Day Gift.

Eric gets home from works, hands me a card and then is pretty much done for the day. Whatever sickness he was getting had finally taken it's toll on him. After dinner we sat down and watched our tv shows. It actually ended up being okay that we didn't do anything this day anyway because my back was in so much pain anyway. (More on that later)

By Tuesday night, I still hadn't received a phone call.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 15 - The optimist in me had laid this story out in my head that the interviewee after me couldn't make it on Monday and so they had the interview on Tuesday, so I'd for sure get a call today.

By the early afternoon, I knew I wasn't going to get a call today or later. I just knew I didn't get the job. Again, I could've called the company, but why call just to hear, "Yeah, we went another direction" or some other form of the same?

This day would have also been my Grandma M.'s birthday. (The one who passed away in September) So my thoughts were centered around her and all the regrets I have about the lack of relationship we had, and that it could've been so much better.

Eric had gotten the flu and was sick in bed all day. I am not a good nurse and tried to keep him happy and resting peacefully, keep the kids quiet and keep myself occupied and it wasn't easy.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 16 - Still felt really upset about the job, still hoping by some miracle I'd get a late phone call. Of course, it didn't happen. I start feeling that I'm just supposed to be at home right now, not working though there's no real reason I can see.

I go to the church to set up for a R.S. activity that night (I was recently called to be part of the R.S. activity board) and I am able to let go of a lot of stress. During set up I get a text from a somewhat familiar number, then reading the text I know it's from the ward clerk asking if Eric and I could meet with a member of the bishopric that night. Eric still wasn't feeling good, but because I'm impatient when it comes to callings, I set up the time for like 7:45 that night. I was already going to be at the church, so it wasn't a biggie. Until I called Eric and he reminded me he couldn't drive because he was so hopped up on medicine. So I'd just have to go get him and then take him back home. No biggie, really.

After setting up for the activity, I then head to the music store to pick up Shaylyn's next set of Piano books (she is just cruising along) and found a book on clearance for me that ended up being like $3.00. I was happy.

After eating dinner I head back over to the church. Our activity is tying quilts and visiting while Visiting Teaching interviews are going on. I had thought I set my appt. for 7:30, but turned out I put 8:30. Hahaha. So I go get Eric at 7:40 so we can go visit the bishop at 7:45.

Our meeting with the bishop is short and bittersweet. He can tell Eric isn't feeling well and cuts to the chase. He releases us both from nursery, but doesn't give either of us a new calling. I am dumbfounded. I feel like I've been fired. Any other time I've been released there's been a calling behind it or it was because I had just had a baby.

I take Eric home and head back the the church, my head still reeling. The VT interviews are going over and before we know it men have come to play basketball. We start cleaning up and then wait in the hall while the RS presidency comes and grabs the last few of us.

My VT interview goes off without too much emotion. Towards the end I do get emotional realizing that in 13 years of marriage I've only had 1 VT come regularly, and we've only had 1 set of Home Teachers come regularly. It's kind of a depressing thought.

I come out of my interview and notice a member of the Primary Presidency sitting on the couch, so I decide to just chat with her and see if she knows what was going on with the release. She was just as shocked as I was. Talking to her is when the tears really started coming. She assured me that they had no idea it was coming and they thought we did an excellent job. I felt a little better after talking with her. She had some wonderful insight.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 17 - I wake up this morning, hopeful. Then I realize Eric is still sick which means we aren't going to be going out to celebrate V-Day.

I try not to let it bother me and am excited for our neighborhood scrapbooking/project day. I'll be able to get out of the house, do something I enjoy and relax. Hahaha! Ailey was a stinker and wanted to be held the whole time, which means I got pretty much zero accomplished.

I hit the end of my rope and decide to go home. Nathaniel is sad and doesn't want to leave his friends, so my good friend Heather says she'll bring him home when she's done. I say thank you and I am off. I get home in tears and just DONE! Eric tries to convince me to go back and to leave Ailey with him, but I didn't feel right doing that. He still felt crappy and she was ornery - not a good mix.

To my surprise, and probably because I had had a crappy morning, Eric was so sweet and gathered up whatever strength he had to take me out still. We went to Olive Garden where he had NOTHING but a hot chocolate. He ordered a pizza, but just couldn't eat. I felt bad but realized just how awesome a husband I have.

After dinner I asked how Eric was feeling because I wanted to go to Target. I can't remember now if I needed something or not. Anyway, we perused the store for a bit. My Valentines Day present to myself was a big Tinkerbell stuffed doll thing. The tag says it's a pillow, but ha!

I had a good night out and was thankful for it!

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 18 - I wake up with a slight sore throat and the cough that's been moving through the family. I'm not too worried, but it's still annoying.

I made plans with Heather to go to the DI to look for costumes for our 6th graders Renaissance Fair (more on that in a day or so). The costumes came together so quickly and easily. Then we both found a new outfit for church. It's amazing how much you get at the DI for so little money. (When you get lucky and actually find good items)

After the DI we headed to Hobby Lobby. I used my 'allowance' money and get some items I wanted. We then head home so that Heather can go out with her hubby and I can go rescue my recovering hubby from children.

We have a quiet night and decide to end the night watching our wedding video. Well I can't find the disc, so I default to the videotape we have (THE ORIGINAL WEDDING VIDEO). Eric had set up a VCR a few weeks before so I thought we were a go. Well for whatever reason as soon as the HIFI kicks in on the VCR the sound on the tape goes. So we watched our wedding video in quiet. It's kind of interesting to do. I highly recommend you try it sometime.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 19 - I wake up sick. Actually, Eric and I could both tell I was sick the moment we woke up. I was burning. Eric said he could tell because, "I don't usually wake up to a heater." Thankfully, Eric was feeling better and kept me hopped up on Ibuprofen throughout the day.

I am frustrated because I wanted to be in Nursery my one last week and ended up getting sick.

THE NEXT FEW DAYS - Thankfully I am only sick for a few days. Eric had President's Day off and we had Shaylyn stay home on Tuesday to help me out with the kids. She is an awesome helper. In the course of my sickness my back pain has increased - enough that I want to cry at times. We go to the dr. the next day and she tells us it's probably just 'muscle spasms'. Gives me some rx's for Ibuprofen and and a muscle relaxer. I can't take the muscle relaxer during the day because it makes you drowsy, but I do have the 500 mg Ibuprofen tablets for the day.

Guess what though, neither one seems to really work. In fact the muscle relaxer almost makes the pain worse. Eric thinks it's from the muscle relaxing (which if it's a muscle issue, it should), but some other people have said it shouldn't make it worse. Time will tell.

We had a nice night out this past Friday. We had an intimate dinner at the BEST Chinese food place EVER (Okay, in truth - I've only tried 3 different places) and then met up with some friends to see Unicorn City. It was a much better movie than I thought it would be and had an enjoyable time. And for the record: ERIC is NOTHING like the gamers portrayed in this movie. He's not into dressing up and playing in the woods acting out some random confrontation. Probably given the choice he would more likely play a board/card game than a role playing game.

So yesterday, we drop Ailey off in what used to be 'our' nursery and she ends up being one of those kids that cries and tries to leave with the parents. I probably should've had Eric drop her off as she's been more attached to me recently, oh well.

I sadly leave the room and go to Sunday School. I probably sit for 10 minutes before I have to get up and go check on Ailey. She is snuggling up with one of the brothers that had volunteered to do nursery that day (don't have replacements called yet...), but she's stopped crying. I go back to Sunday School.

Relief Society is next and I am thankful I got to hear the lesson. My wonderful neighbor and beautician, Jobi taught the lesson. She did wonderfully and I really got something out of the lesson. I wish I had the time and memory to do her lesson justice, but in short here's what I took from it, "I need to do the things I'm supposed to do and then I'll feel better about life."

Now I'm not walking around doing things I SHOULDN'T be doing, but I'm certainly not doing some good things that I really should be doing. Thank you so much, Jobi!

TO WRAP UP: If you are still reading this, bless you. I know I rambled. A. LOT.

All I wanted to get out is that as much as I complained about being in Nursery and being put in Nursery after teaching the 7/8 year old - I still grew to love it. And it wasn't so much about being in Nursery - it was that the only 'real' callings I've had have been in the Primary organization.

I learned to love these cute little children. Little O became my bestest friend and wouldn't leave my side. She didn't like her parents dropping her off, but I could get her from her mom in the hallway and she was just fine. (Broke my heart to see that she didn't go to Nursery Sunday either, guess she was sick?) Little N knew me and recognized me in pictures (Her Mom said so). I got to be involved in K's life and get to know a side of him I never would've had the opportunity to have. K taught me a lot about patience and gave me a new respect for his parents. (I already respected them tons for dealing with his issues, but even more so after spending 2 hours with him every week). I never knew I had any impact on such young things. It was so awesome to see Eric interact with other people's kids and see a side of my husband that is rarely seen. It was nice to have that time with my husband. It was a very easy calling as far as prep work. I really will miss these little ones.

So for all you that heard me complain, and those of you whose sweet little kids I got the opportunity to be with - THANK YOU and know that I am really struggling with this release. I always said I wanted to be released, but when it came down to it - I guess I really didn't. The heart is mightier than the mind! Know that I truly loved your kids!

I realize how much Eric does for me on a daily basis - even if it is the little things. I realized how much I've come to rely on him everyday when he walks through that door. I couldn't be a single parent, and I am thankful God blessed me with someone who is strong where I am weak.

I am anxious for what the future is bringing. First of all to not get a job I would've totally enjoyed to be 'fired' from a calling I was learning to love and not having anything to jump into scares me. I am probably thinking and looking at this way more than I should - but it's just me.

I believe the Lord knows what's in store for our family - but because I don't recent events are really taking its toll on me. I need to rely on the Lord and realize that he KNOWS what's best for our family. These past few weeks haven't turned out in the ways I wanted and I need to realize that it's okay, and it will be okay. Things will be better and we'll be blessed in the ways we need.