CHAOS

Chaos pretty much runs my life. I'm not exaggerating that either...

- I don't really adhere to a schedule because I don't really like to, but that means things can get pretty chaotic.
- I have 5 kids, chaos pretty much comes with the territory there.
- My thoughts are always scattered and thus my brain feels chaotic at times.

However, none of that is the reason for this post. It's just an interesting side note. No, the reason for this post is because I suffer from CHAOS. Confused? Let me spell it out for you...

C - Can't
H - Have
A - Anyone
O - Over
S - Syndrome

Yup, that is me. When I saw that on Flylady's website I about flipped. I totally feel that way and it's just getting worse. In some ways I feel like I should just always stay home and then I wouldn't feel so CHAOTIC.

Here's the story. I grew up in a clean house. It wasn't decorated cutesy or anything but it was ALWAYS clean. My mother is a bit of a perfectionist and her house was one of those things that wasn't going to be dirty. Now, we weren't made to be slaves by any means growing up, but we were all expected to do certain jobs to keep our home clean and Saturday's were cleaning days. I HATED Saturday's. I dreaded them every week.

So, when I got married I decided I didn't HAVE to clean every Saturday anymore, and I wasn't going to. And I didn't - most of the time. Occasionally I decided I really needed to clean and I would, but I didn't make a weekly habit out of it by any means.

By the time Tanis was born, I did a very mediocre job of keeping the place we were living in clean. It wasn't health hazardous or anything like that, but I didn't really do a good job of putting things away and all that fun stuff.

I eventually figured out that I needed to be a better mom and that our home needed to be at least straightened every day. So, that's about all the happens. I straighten our house. It is clean enough, but it's not CLEAN. We have odds and ends everywhere in some sort of space and things aren't just lying all over the floor (most days).

However, I know my home isn't CLEAN. I keep going to other people's homes in the ward and I am in awe. They all look so cutesy (which would be easy enough for me to accomplish IF I had money) and CLEAN. I don't know how some of these people do it. They have just as many kids as I do and yet, it stays clean.

I know that part of our problem is that we only have one floor of livable space, so there's not a lot of room. The other problem I have is quite simply that I get overwhelmed and I'd much rather 'play' than clean.

As mentioned before I straighten the house daily, but by the time the kids get home from school - you wouldn't be able to tell I did a dang thing. Then I get mad because I don't want to straighten the house 5 times a day. It's hard enough for me to get the motivation to do it once.

The basement is such a disaster and I mean DISASTER! I've had it cleaned and organized quite a number of times since we moved in, but since it isn't finished the kids have no physical boundaries so things get EVERYWHERE. Their toys are all over the place. Things that I had stored under the stairs have been gotten into. It takes SOOO much time to get it all organized again and it stays that way for all of 3 days. I get so angry and frustrated that I just don't have the desire to do it again. I KNOW it NEEDS to be done, I just can't find the desire because I'm sick of taking so much time doing something just to have it undone in such a small amount of time.

Now, I don't know why I'm sharing this. I guess just because I need to get it off my chest and out of my CHAOTIC brain. I guess I also feel guilty. Guilty that I never offer my home for any girl's nights or anything. It's that and because I don't think anyone would show up...But that's another story.

So anyway, any of you who are reading and wondering why I never offer my home for anything - now you know why.