Feb 12, 2014

If I Was A Teenager...

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...I'd have this whole taking selfies thing down.

All I wanted to do was get a picture of my new hairdo. Could I accomplish that feat? No. It's too bad too, because my friend, Brandee did a terrific job. I went with very subtle highlights and a cut that's become my norm as of late.




Even though getting the pictures was a bust, getting my hair done wasn't. It was a much needed day out and it was so nice to visit with someone that doesn't insist on yelling at/for me every 2 minutes.

Feb 10, 2014

My Own Worst Enemy

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I'm sitting here wondering if I should really even make this post. It's one that could be taken in so many different ways and it's not one I want people taking the wrong thing from.

I feel like I should explain my absence, if not for anyone's sake but my own. I've said before that writing helps me sort through things and I wrote a TON in high school when I was dealing with stupid boy drama. So I'm praying this will be a sort of therapy for me.

Perhaps it's the weather, perhaps it's hormones or perhaps it's giving too much thought to the past and not focusing on the now - whatever it is, I'm not me. I haven't been me for months. It's gotten to the point where things I really used to enjoy doing, I don't enjoy doing anymore. (Blogging to name one) I avoid leaving the house if at all possible and dread doing things I absolutely have to leave the house to do.


My friends like to get together every Friday to scrap and I keep coming up with excuses not to go and am thankful when there's a real reason I can't be there. It's crazy. They are some of my best friends and I am doing my best to avoid them.

It's started to interfere with church attendance. Church is honestly the last place I want to be lately. During Sacrament Meeting I feel like everyone's watching how unbehaved my children like to be. I feel uplifted when I'm teaching the kids in Sunday School, but only sort of. I love when the kids will interact, but when they don't - well my head starts running away with me and I start wondering what the kids are thinking. I dread Relief Society. It's been a couple months where I honestly sit by myself. I've been in this ward for 8 years and I'm sitting by myself like I'm new or something. Add in the fact that church is now at 9 in the morning and there are times I just really don't have it in me to wake up at the crack of dawn and get 7 people ready.

I've been super short with my husband and my kids. I've been really bad at feeling resentment for all the things I have to do to keep this house running. I just want to stay in bed all day and pretty much do nothing else.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about how I've been wronged in the past and because I don't know how to get over it, I just dwell on it and feel everything I felt when it first happened.

Then comes the kids...I can't go a day without feeling like I messed up in some way. I either yelled to much or didn't listen to a child close enough. I was too self-centered to really pay attention to what was going on. I feel too much pressure to be the perfect parent that I get over-stressed and freeze. The world likes to tell me I'm a bad parent because my kids eat cereal every morning and not some wonderfully warm breakfast. I figure they are being fed and that's all that matters, right? There are many times I give in too easily because I just don't have the strength to fight with my child. I'm aware of it, so really you don't need to drill it into my head. Believe me, I remind myself of it daily. Perhaps by the time Jace is 20, I will have learned how to become the PERFECT parent. Probably not.

SOURCE


Then we get back to the weight. Why does my weight have to play such a crucial part in the way I see myself? I don't know. It does though. I was with my Mother in Law at a store one day and my Mom happened to be shopping in the same store. We ran into each other and my moms were chatting with each other and somehow the topic of weight came up. They started discussing what they weighed in high school and when they got married. Even at my lightest I was never as small as either of them. Yeah, that sucks. Why am I stuck on that? I don't know. Maybe because I feel like there's no hope for me at all. I want to get back to that perfect number on the scale, but I'm kidding myself. It'll never happen. So I sit and continue this self-loathing cycle that does no one any good.

It doesn't help that I keep having recurring pain in my abdomen and side that can't be explained. We just keep spending hundreds of dollars just to hear that everything looks normal. Well, if everything WAS normal, I wouldn't be in pain now, would I?

My poor husband. Ay yi yi. I can't even express how rotten and mean I've been to him lately. He has really been amazing. He's got so much weight on his shoulders at the moment and I just like to add to it. He honestly can't say anything to me lately without me taking it that I'm failing and that I can't do anything right by him either. He's trying to take in stride and knows I'm in a dark place, but it's definitely taking it's toll.

So yeah, I've been and am still feeling really depressed and it's amazing I've accomplished anything lately. Anything that has been done lately has been because it HAD to be done for one reason or another. Which brings me back to the blog. The last real post I made was back in November....which meant I had 3 months worth of stuff to catch up on - including December which is quite possibly the busiest month ever, and I just didn't feel like doing it. It's a lot of work to edit all the pictures.

But, part of my personality likes having an order to things and I hate when things are missing - so I had to get this blog updated. It meant not editing the photos like I usually do, but I'll feel better having it done. I'm hoping to get these posts up within the next couple of days and if you enjoy reading, there won't be a shortage. I have all the pictures ready to go, just have to upload them and get things written out. So it'll take awhile.

I'm slowly starting to feel more like myself, but there's definitely a long road ahead. A lot of issues I need to start facing instead of escaping from.


So keep on checking back for the updates. I'll try to put the links to the updates in this post - since it'll be the most recent one. Thanks for checking in.

***UPDATED POSTS***

THE FUNERAL

GAME NIGHT

BIRTHDAY BUDDIES

#34

FALL BALL

THE ANNIVERSARY THAT ALMOST WASN'T

THANKSGIVING

THE BEST TREATS

ERIC'S 34

BED FIT FOR A QUEEN

HE GETS IT

DADDY'S QUARTERBACK

COUNTY FAIR TIME

MY LITTLE HERO

SHAKE, RATTLE & ROLL

CHRISTMAS CONCERT

FAMILY NATIVITY

THE MAN IN RED

CHOO CHOO ALL THE WAY TO SWEETSVILLE

CHRISTMAS EVE 2013

CHRISTMAS EVE JAMMIES

IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!

CHIN UP

MELTING LIKE A SNOW CONE MAN IN PHOENIX

ART BOT

YOUNG LADY

RANDOM JANUARY

JUST CRAFT

OH SO KISSABLE

MY SICKY BUDDY

SIX MONTHS

IF I WAS A TEENAGER...

QUICK LEARNER

LOVE DAY

TIME OUT FOR WOMEN

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME

GOING, GOING, GONE

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR A STORY?

DANCE LIKE NO ONE'S WATCHING

LET'S HAVE A PICNIC


Feb 5, 2014

My Sicky Buddy

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Being sick just sucks. I spent a good 2 days in bed. Thankfully I had a cute little sicky buddy to keep me company.




While Jace wasn't too terribly sick, he just wanted to be held and loved. I had no objections and absolutely loved our snuggle time. He'll grow too big for it soon enough.


Feb 3, 2014

Oh So Kissable

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Shaylyn's been going CRAZY making tons of bracelets since she got her looms for her birthday. It's all she's been doing lately. She's been searching YouTube for videos of how to make different designs. She came across a lip design and made a 'charm' for her bracelet using that tutorial.

Jace was then at his big sister's mercy...






Feb 2, 2014

Just Craft

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Despite what the title implies, this post has nothing to do with crafts. Nope, it's all about Shaylyn's birthday party.

The last thing I wanted to do was plan a birthday party, but knew it was important to Shaylyn that she have one. She made her own invitations and came up with her own theme. She wanted to have a Minecraft/Just Dance party, so she threw the two names together and came up with Just Craft.

We had to discuss the amount of people invited. She had a whole list of people and because of what she wanted to do I had to tell her that she could probably only do x amount so that people weren't too bored sitting around. She also wanted to have a sleepover, but with a young baby in the house I didn't want a bunch of girls up all night keeping him awake. So we opted for a party that ended a bit later.

She wanted to invite one of her guy friends and I told her she needed to invite at least one other guy so that the first guy wasn't alone and feeling out of place. She knew just who else to invite.

As it turned out only one of her friends wasn't able to make it as her family left for Disneyland that day. Otherwise she had a great turn out and was extremely happy that all of her best friends could make it.

We go to order the cake and well, Walmart doesn't have a Minecraft or Just Dance themed cake. There were a few other options that we could sort of make work and Shaylyn chose the following:


She chose the horses because, "There are horses in Minecraft." She insisted we buy some fondant so that she could add a few more Minecraft type flairs. I left her to her own devices and she created that cave with a waterfall and if you look closely, you can see the creeper in the cave.

Her cookies were fairly simple, I just chose to do creeper faces.


Here's the whole table full of yummy goodness...


...Yes, she chose tootsie pops and tootsie rolls - she has a thing for chocolate...

We brought in the Just Dance part of the theme with zebra patterned plates, colorful cups, napkins and balloons.

I let Shaylyn call the shots of the night and in the beginning they played Minecraft for a bit and then Shaylyn decided she was ready for the goodies. Which also meant singing Happy Birthday!





After everyone had sufficiently stuffed their faces, it was dance time. I couldn't believe how much fun these kids had - even the boys. With the version of Just Dance that they were having, they have the lyrics along the side of the screen as well so that you can get extra points if you sing along. One song had edited out some lyrics and just had the ellipses in it's place, so one of Shaylyn's guy friends starts singing along and instead of just staying quiet for those lyrics he sings, "(lyrics) dot, dot, dot." That even made me crack up. Look how much fun these kids had.





...Hahaha, LOVE this pose...



...Let the hair fly, sadly it has no effect for the boys...

What's a party without presents? Well, Shaylyn made sure we made time for that too.




...She really was excited about this gift, she has a thing for duct tape...


...This is the weirdest thing ever. It's a long zipper. When it's all unzipped it's just this long thing...

...One of the guys who came had ordered Shaylyn's gift but it hadn't come yet. He didn't want to come empty handed, so he brought her some candy and wrapped it in yes, a red solo cup...




...The old gift within a gift trick...




Then came the gift from Gavin. Gavin's had a crush on Shaylyn since they moved here in kindergarten. It hasn't always been a huge crush, but she's always been on his 'list' of girls that he likes. His mom told me that he was getting so excited for Shaylyn's birthday and he wanted to get her a ring. But then after his Dad (good friends with Eric) and Gavin talked about it for a minute they said, "Can you just imagine the look on Eric's face?" And yeah, Eric wouldn't have been happy. So instead he gave her the following:



...KISSES - hahaha (Eric still wasn't impressed)...


...And bracelets...

However, Shaylyn's favorite gift of the night came in this form...



...A best friend for a gift? Works for me...

Shaylyn has some seriously good friends. While it was a little boring sitting around supervising the party while Eric hid (he wasn't feeling well), it was also kind of fun. I got to know her friends a little bit better and I got to see the kind of people she surrounds herself with. So far she's making some awesome choices in friends. I hope that continues.

Happy #12, Shaylynnie. Welcome to the world of pre-teen.


Feb 1, 2014

Random January

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Here's a quick little glimpse into some happenings of January that don't necessarily have any real huge story to go with it.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU GET A NEW SMART PHONE?
Me, I see just how good the camera is/isn't by taking shots of my baby. Don't you?




...Love this deer in the headlights look...



What's my overall opinion of the camera on my new phone? I don't love it, but it is pretty good. I hate the odd dimensions it takes photos in and that they aren't as large in size as the ones I take with my actual camera. It does still take pretty good photos and I'll give it that.

WHEN IS ENOUGH, ENOUGH?
I was doing a scrapbook layout about all the BYU paraphernalia that we have in our home. I had to include Eric's hats. Little did I know he had as many as he did...


...I even found like 3 or 4 more he just inherited from his dad. Keep in mind these are only BYU hats, he's got others. Seriously, there's only 7 days in a week - do you really need a team hat for each day of the week?

Wanna see the layout? 


Maybe someday I'll get around to updating my scrap/craft blog and go more into the story then...Maybe...

HIS FAVORITE ANIMAL?
I think Jace might already have a favorite animal. It would be a blue tree frog. Yes, they really exist. I Googled it. Here's a look:


Does Jace really like blue tree frogs? Of course he doesn't like the real animal - they're poisionous! It's a good thing too since the blue tree frog Jace really likes, he also likes to eat.




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