Peppermint Holly: Night Twenty Four

Then there came a time when the Shelf Elf put me to shame...

Instead of a cute little note card, Peppermint Holly decided that her actions needed a bigger explanation and left a whole letter for the kids.

"My Dear Hardy Friends,

As I prepare to travel with Santa tonight, I wanted to make sure I took the chance to really ponder on the true meaning of Christmas.

I borrowed your mom's scriptures and read the real Christmas story last night while it was quiet and I really had time to ponder. The story is found in Luke.

I've been thinking a lot about Joseph and the kind of man he really must've been to care for Mary during pregnancy and to help raise Jesus. Neither one could've been easy. He must've been a very special man.

I hope you will each take time to read the real Christmas Story and ponder what you read. It's the real reason we celebrate the season and there's a reason it's so very special."

                        

                                                                                                                                 Peppermint Holly

I found it interesting that Peppermint Holly's focus was on Joseph. I've always admired him. My thoughts, however, have been with Mary this holiday season. I fully admit that it's most likely due to the fact that I am round with child as well.

I've only been 'really' pregnant around Christmas time one other time and that was with Shaylyn. But at that point in my life, I wasn't too much of a thinker. Things were just how they were and that was that. At this point in my life, I spend a lot of time thinking about different things. And particularly at this point my thought are on my baby and this pregnancy.

While overall and compared to most, this pregnancy hasn't been difficult - it has been for me. It's drained most any energy I have and any random, stupid issue that happens with pregnancy - I've had. But, I have a soft, warm bed to spend all day in and in a warm house. I have kids around me that can grab things when I need something and a husband who really lets me get away with a lot.

Mary's life wasn't so easy. I can't imagine riding on a donkey miles away to a new city. Even the car annoys me at times. Then they find out the only place they can stay is in a place where you keep animals, ugh. The smell alone would be hard enough to handle. Poor Mary has to deliver this baby in such a cold, uninviting environment and yet she still does so without complaint.

I can see so many reasons why God chose Mary to be the mother of Jesus. A lot of us tend to yeild to the natural man and complain about things we don't think are right or complain when we think life hasn't been fair to us.

Thinking of Mary, I want to make a better effort to be what the Lord would like me to be. To complain less about frivolous things. To try to be the person that the Lord knows I can be. It'll take a lot of work, but things that are worth it always do.

What Happens Next...

All About Chad

One of the 'joys' of 6th grade is that they get to do a country report. They can choose any country and do a report on it. My kid chose CHAD! Why in the world he would choose Chad is seriously way beyond me. Had he consulted me first I would've recommended Brazil or England (either place his grandpa's served a mission). Sure things have probably changed since then, but we'd have more of a clue about the place than choosing somewhere as random as Chad.

Thankfully it wasn't much of an issue for me as they did a lot of the work during school time. IMAGINE THAT! So Lex did a pretty good job of gathering information on his country and did his report on his own without help. The only thing he wanted help with was the poster and I don't think he really even wanted my help, but I get a little OCD when they have to have something to present. Although, I'll be honest - I really didn't put as much effort into it as I have in the past. I was just too tired to worry about it.

We got everything down and good to go and he was super excited to go to school the next day to present it all. Parents were also invited to come view the projects. The problem for me is that the end time was 20 minutes before Ailey gets out of Kindergarten. I really didn't want go to the school, go home for 5 minutes and head back to the school. So I decided I'd go just before the end time so that I wasn't waiting for too long for Ailey.

When I got into Lex's classroom his first words to me were, "Took you long enough." 

At least he says what he thinks. I explained to him why I came so late and he was understanding and it made sense to him why I was late. 

I didn't really view many other projects, cause quite honestly I don't care about it - but, I made sure to get pictures of my kid.

{...The flag is upside down on the presentation board? Ummm, yeah - that was my fault...}

We then left and went outside of the school to wait for Kindergarten to be over. Thankfully it was a pretty nice day for November and Jace had tons of fun running around and I had a front row seat to an interesting situation.

The cafeteria outside door faces the front of the school where I was sitting and out of the corner of the eye, I saw the janitor on a walkie and then glanced over and saw a little girl standing by the building. The janitor was talking to the secretary and was asked to find out the girls name. The girl actually responded and then took off running. Two seconds later, the secretary comes out the front doors after her. The little girl paused for a moment and looked at the secretary, but then proceeded to cross the street. Once across the street she stopped again and glanced at the secretary. When she realized the street wasn't going to stop the secretary she took off again, the secretary had to jay-run to catch up with the girl. She got the girl and got her to come back to the school. Or so we all thought. Once back on school grounds, she tried to make a break for it to the parking lot. The secretary caught her before she got there and then the girls teacher came out. They took the girl back to the office to call her mom.

It was a surprising sight for me to see as the girl was probably only in 4th grade, but she was determined to leave school. It was interesting to realize that the secretary's job involves so much more than answering phones and paper work.

What Happens Next...

Let The Truth Be Told

We'd been keeping a secret for a couple months, we even kept it from the kids - though I could've sworn a couple of them figured it out before we told them. But from their reactions, I guess not. I suppose we keep secrets better than we thought.

And here's how we told the kids and the Facebook world our little secret...

So yes, there's another little one joining our family in February. 

Some of you may be asking why. And though I suppose I don't have to give a reason, I will.

Like you may have heard a few kids say, "You said you weren't having any more babies." And at the time we said it, that was the truth. Jace was a difficult pregnancy and birth for me. (Compared to other people, it was nothing - but with my history, he was rough) I decided then that my body was getting too old to do this baby thing anymore. After Jace was born, I had other issues in the woman department that were starting to concern me.

Once again Eric and I had discussed permanent birth control and because of the other issues I was having, we decided it'd be best if the permanent birth control was something we did on my end. I struggled A LOT with deciding just what to do.

I studied up on the few options we thought were best and I still just didn't feel at peace with any of them. There was always something, with every single option, that just didn't sit well with me. After a few months, there was a very strong reason why.

Every mom who knows she's done having kids will tell you that she just KNEW she was done. I didn't feel that way and in fact started having similar feelings as I did when I knew Jace needed to join the family. Everyone would be home and you subconciously start counting heads. I would end up with the correct number of 6, but it still felt as if someone was missing. This lead to a few more subconsious head counts with the same result.

Telling Eric this news was a little scary for me. I wasn't afraid of him being angry or anything, but in his mind we were seriously DONE. He struggles with pregnancy and thinks way too much about things that could go wrong. As the man (in our old fashioned ways), he is also concerned with money issues. But this was something that couldn't go unsaid. I opened up to him and while he didn't jump at the chance to have another baby, he didn't say no either. He requested that I think and pray about it some more and then let him know.

Well, nothing was changing. The more I thought about it I knew it was the right choice. Eric eventually saw that and that was that.

But I wasn't getting pregnant. I remember talking to my mom and asking her if she ever had issues getting pregnant after she decided she wanted another baby. She told me no and that concerned me a bit. We never had issues getting pregnant and so once again we were in uncharted territory.

I started second guessing everything. That maybe I had just made this all up in my mind. But the feelings I had just kept growing and the feeling that someone was missing was apparent constantly. It was difficult, at times, to be around those who were having babies or announcing their pregnancies. I didn't get it and through this time I learned to be a little more empathetic of those who struggle and have struggled for years on end without getting pregnant. I won't say I know EXACTLY how it feels, because I don't. I was blessed with 6 other little beings and so I really can't say I know how it feels to want a baby so badly, but it has never happened. Through those months though, I caught a glimpse of that pain and that hunger.

After 6 months we decided that I should go to the doctor to see what the issue might be. I told my dr the issues I was having as well as not being able to conceive and he set us up with the hospital to get a hysterosonogram done. The nurse at my dr.'s office called to set up the appt. and said it had to be done 10-14 days after my period ended. So we got that scheduled and went in to have the procedure done. We were then told it was supposed to happen 8-10 days after your period starts, so we'd have to come back.

Eric was more upset by this than I was and I just figured it was only a couple weeks time, not a huge deal. Frustrating yes, but it was mostly okay. So we waited the next couple of weeks.

The day after I was expecting my period I found myself at the store and because one thing I could count on was my period being regular (almost to the same hour), I bought a test. I was so not expecting a positive, but I got a positive and sent the picture to Eric right away.

I honestly don't know how he took the news, but we went along with life assuming it was correct. This was back in June and so for the next two months we kept it quiet. We had a busy summer and I decided not to go to the dr. until we got home from Nebraska. I wasn't massively sick, but I did have nauseau during our trip and lived on Canada Dry, which I figured would tip the older kids off right away, but nope. We got to keep our secret until we got home from the dr.'s office.

What Happens Next...

Chchchchanges....

Well, helloooooo....

It's been awhile, eh?

Perhaps some of you noticed that shilobugandfamily is no longer hanging around. Nope, it's gone. I felt it was time for a change. The blog name just never totally satisfied me and I wanted something a little more descriptive.

So about a month ago I changed it up an over to this new name. The-H-Fam. It makes me happier and describes what this blog is more about.

I had a new look all ready to go as well, but needed the programmer's (aka Eric) opinions and help on what looked best. He gave me help a few nights, but is so busy with work and a side job that he didn't really have time to help me. Also anytime he had to help me, he had to switch his thinking from his current project over to mine.

I wanted to stick with an X-Men type theme and so Eric was having me use those colors. After staring at it for a few weeks, I decided I just wasn't loving the look and so, once again I changed things up. The current colors may not be the best together, but it brings our favorite colors together and I'm happy with that.

So why choose an X-Men theme? It starts back in the 90's. There was an X-Men cartoon on in those days. 

My little brothers watched it almost religiously and because I was such a lazy butt, I watched it right along with them. It's when I was first introduced to the X-Men and Rogue quickly became my favorite character.

Flash forward to many years later - even quite a few years after Eric and I had been married, we start discussing X-Men. I think he was kind of surprised to learn I had watched the show. It was just one more thing we had a common interest in.

While Eric's top favorite X-Men would have to be Wolverine and Nightcrawler - Gambit is towards the top of the list, which worked wonderfully well with Rogue being mine. If you'll remember a few years ago for Halloween we dressed as Rogue and Gambit.

So we'll stick with this X-Men theme for a bit and see how things go. Yes, it's bringing out the 'nerd' in me, but I put my own girlish spin on it.

CREDIT to Calslayton

Besides, we all know our kids are mutants in some form of the word, right?

CREDIT to Vinz-el-Tabanas

In my hiatus I got caught up, which meant going back all the way to May. Fun times. Feel free to read if you so feel like it. And make sure that if you have our blog bookmarked anywhere, you change the link to the-h-fam.blogspot.com.

I have a few more things to tweak (like the links and pages for the family), but that should happen within the next week or two.

What Happens Next...

Happy Birthday, Dad!!!

Dear Dad,
   
     Happy Birthday! Today would've been your 67th birthday. Had you been here, we probably would've celebrated on Sunday. Mom would've quickly turned the Mother's Day celebration over to celebrate your birthday. Your dessert of choice would of course be Strawberry Shortcake. Anytime the dessert choice was yours, we could about count on Strawberry Shortcake.

     I never complained. In fact, did you know - Strawberrry Shortcake is one of my favorite's too? Of course I never really requested it on my birthday because it was your thing. It made it easy to fall back on my 2nd favorite and I knew within the course of 6 months I'd have both my favorites.

     Speaking of birthday, I remember when Ailey was about due. After she had passed my hopes of being born on my mom's birthday (May 1st) and then Mother's Day of that year (May 9th), I had prayed she'd be born on your birthday. So when my water broke the day before your birthday I remember joking with you when we met up at the hospital (Thanks again for coming to get all the other kids that early morning) that maybe my labor would last into the next day, you saying that she needed to have her own birthday. 

     I see the wisdom in those words now, though I didn't see it then. I'm thankful she chose to come the day before your birthday, though. I sometimes wonder if that helped solidify the bond you had with her. I miss that interaction you know. For some reason she chose to cling to you and it was always fun to see her with you.

     That's not to say you didn't have a relationship with the other kids, cause we both know that's not true. You did more for my kids than anyone should ever need to do. I can't count the times you helped us out when things just weren't going our way or the little day adventures we'd take to different places around the state. Or the vacations we went on where you would pay for food and room, though we fully expected to pay for all. The biggest thing though is all the nights at the ball park. I'm sure the kids will remember those days for years to come, but it's definitely something we'll all miss.

     Lex is playing ball again this season. He's now old enough that he's playing the 'real thing'. He had tryouts and everything. Guess what team he ended up on? The Mariners! (We don't have Cubs in this league, or I'm sure he would've ended up there) I couldn't have been happier to hear what team he landed on. I'm sure you'd get a kick out of it too.

     Nate is also playing this year. His first time. He was a little afraid to go to his first practice. He was sure he wouldn't have any friends and that he would suck. (His words) I dragged him to his first practice anyway and he has quite a few friends on his team and as he soon discovered (he didn't suck - also his words). I'm sure you would love to be at their games and I kinda think in some way you will be. Their first games are on Saturday. I'm hoping for a successful season.

     And while I'm still scared for my boys to play football, we'll be seeing a lot of games this year. Shaylyn is going to be cheering for our Little League Football 7th grade team this year. Cheerleading is expensive! She is costing us more than the 2 boys in baseball.

     Tanis is still going strong with his clarinet. You'd be proud of the progress he's made. He's learned quite a bit and is enjoying it more and more. He had a concert last week and the kid can't keep still. He hears the music and he just has to move.

And then there's Jace. You'd be getting a kick out of him right now. He's so funny. He loves to be involved with the kids and especially loves dogs. Sometimes he stares off into space with the biggest grin on his face and it makes me wonder if you're hanging around playing with him. I certainly hope so. He may not get to know you the way the older kids did, but I'm praying he knows you in a different sort of way.

By the way, your baby boy has really grown up. Even in the few months since you've been gone. He helps his mom out whenever she calls and very rarely does he complain about doing so. He's done a great job at wearing many different hats at the same time and juggling everything around. You taught him well. Thank you for your example.

     Did you know he always puts me first? He teaches his kids to respect me. When they mouth off to me, he's the first one to tell them I deserve more respect than that. He's even told them once or twice that they can say what they want to him, but they should never say bad things about/to me. I'm sure he learned that from you.

     Mom and I were talking the other day and I was explaining that before Eric does something that doesn't include me, he'll always ask if I'm okay with it. Guess what she told me? She said you'd do the same thing! Thank you for yet another great example for your son to follow.

     Finally, I want to thank you for all you did for us. Even from the very beginning. I never felt anything but acceptance and love from you. One of my first memories of doing something with you and Eric was after our Christmas choir concert at Temple Square. Because you worked downtown you were able to come and see the concert and then took us to Wendy's afterwards. Did you know it was my first time going to Wendy's? I discovered that though I don't typically like Chocolate ice cream a Frosty was good and I would've been missing out on a wonderful treat had I not had that experience.

     You continued to support us both. I also remember a time you and Eric slipped out of your ward meeting (probably Priesthood) to visit my ward during my brother's farewell when I sang. I wasn't expecting to see you, but was thrilled you were there.

      I am thankful to you and Aunt Cindy for helping me get the job at the State. I learned so much there and enjoyed my time there and I wouldn't have had it without you looking out for me. I also love the fact that it gave us a little more time together. Thank you for taking me to and from work daily. It was nice to be able to work in the same building. It allowed me a chance to get to know you just a bit better. It was the first and probably the only times I will have listened to talk radio and sports radio. It was fun when I discovered that you occasionally listened to music and that you enjoyed The Beach Boys. Music I enjoyed as well.

     Working in the same building was also a good thing because if I got sick, I got you out of work. Thanks for never complaining when I wanted to leave. I also remember you doing the unpleasant job of waiting around with me in the Social Security office and DMV so I could change my name on those wonderful legal documents after Eric and I got married.

     Thank you for being in our corner immediately when Eric and I decided to get married. You gave us a place to live and you were there every time we chose to move. Even that one time when I was super pregnant and couldn't lift anything and as soon as I tried, you were the first to scold me and tell me not to do anything but supervise.

     Thank you for just accepting me as your own and for trusting your sons judgement and for helping us get to where we are today. I'm sure we couldn't have done it without your help along the way.

      We love you and miss you terribly, but know you're in a far better place. I hope they celebrate birthday's in Heaven and that you are being served huge, delicious pieces of Strawberry Shortcake that you can actually enjoy, cause your diabetes and other issues won't interfere. Enjoy your day and remember we still love you and still need your help here and there. (Especially today when we go tackle the Dentist...)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

What Happens Next...

The Happiest Place On Earth?!?!?! The Conclusion

DAY 6

We wake up and Eric isn't feeling real well. Apparently the day before took more out of him than either of us thought it might. It meant I was driving again. In California. On crazy freeways. I decided I wanted to get out of the hotel and on the road ASAP.

We get packed up and Eric goes to find a luggage rack. Someone that works at the hotel tells him he needs to call the front desk and they'll send one up. Well we call and she says she'll send one up. Then we wait and wait and wait.

Finally Eric's had enough and goes in search of one on his own again. But then we see someone in my family and we take theirs after they are done. Cody asks if he can help out and so him and Eric take the rack down and the rest of us follow behind. Because of valet parking we do our best to get loaded up quickly and get the car out of the way.

We say goodbye to my family that was still around and they say they're heading to the beach if we want to go. We obviously don't, so we head on our way.

We're all hungry and decide we'll have a 'nice' breakfast before heading out. It was about 10:30 or so, so we figured if we ate now, we could travel a little bit longer before the kids got hungry. We stopped at a Denny's and there was a guy making balloon characters. We passed right by him, but the girls couldn't stop talking about him. I wondered aloud how much he charged and decided that maybe on our way out we'd stop and ask him.

He ended up leaving before us, but not before he came over and asked if we wanted the Ariel balloon he had had on display. I didn't quite understand what he was asking, but he kind of just handed it to me. I then understood that he was asking if we wanted it. I asked him how much it was but he walked off. I felt bad and a little dumbfounded. Had I not been so dumbfounded I would've paid him for his efforts. Ailey was thrilled to have the balloon and I wanted to get a picture, but just didn't before it got ruined. Tanis did manage the following before she was destroyed too terribly.

The traffic wasn't nearly as bad being earlier in the morning, but there were still some scary parts for me.

It was a pretty uneventful ride until we get a few miles outside of Vegas. There was a wreck that had caused a major backup on the freeway. So many cars going so slow was a little nerve wracking. When we finally got passed the wreck they were just clearing it up. It made me thankful that we were behind it and not involved in it.

I continue the drive to Mesquite and I'm getting tired and it's getting late. I was so anxious and on edge and just wanted to get to the hotel. Eric can tell I'm getting tired and keeps trying to keep me going. We decide we'll check into the hotel and then go get food at the pizza place I wanted to go to on Sunday.

We find the Pizza Place and thankfully got there an hour before closing. Their food was good and I was glad we had a nice meal. We get to our room and because Eric used some travel site to book our hotel we were stuck in a Smoking Room. We walked in and I immediately start coughing. We immediately turn on the fan to try to dissipate the smell. It actually worked pretty good and even though it wasn't the best of circumstances, we got there late enough that we would only be sleeping there and then heading out in the morning.

DAY 7

We wake up in the morning and I'm gearing myself up for the drive home. Eric surprises me and says he thinks he can handle the drive home. I am thankful as I need some rest. I'd been way too stressed for way too many days. There are a few times during the drive he mentions that he should've had me drive, but he pulls through.

We get home and lounge. It felt good to be home. That night into the early morning hours, Shaylyn starts puking which ends up bringing a fun next 2 weeks to our home, but that's another story.

MY CLOSING THOUGHTS

While our trip was obviously less than ideal, I'm still glad we were able to make it. I was thankful for my sisters sacrifice that allowed us the opportunity to go on the trip. I was super grateful for a wonderful mother-in-law who sacrificed her time and sanity to help us out where she felt she could. I was so glad Jace was in a safe environment where he could play and move without being constrained by carseats and strollers, and that he was away from a raving, lunatic of a mother.

I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for the people they are and that we all just take care of each other's needs where we see that we can. I am thankful that my mom and sisters stepped in when they realized just how stressed I was and did what they could to lighten the load. I am thankful for a father and a brother who both honor their Priesthood and that my little sister married a man who also honors his Priesthood and that they were all worthy to give my husband a blessing in his time of need.

I learned just how much I rely on Eric and how much he does when we go on a trip. Eric and I have taken on very traditional roles in our marriage and I realized how much the 'man' has to do on a family vacation. I also learned that I much more enjoy being Mom than being Dad. I also learned that it sucks being Mom & Dad, so to those of you my friends who are doing both jobs - kudos to you. You are amazing! And there are those of us who admire you more than you know.

I also learned just what I am capable of. There's nothing like trial by fire to learn just how strong you are. While I didn't do everything the very best I could do, I did overcome some obstacles. I vowed I'd never drive in California. I did it. I struggle taking all of my kids anywhere by myself, but I was able to do it for 2 days in crowded theme parks. I can do so much more than I usually give myself credit for and while I would never want to go through such trials again, I am thankful to have had them so I could learn more about myself.

What Happens Next...

Disney's Agenda

I should be in bed, fast asleep. I know I should. But I kept having these thoughts in my head that needed to be addressed. I was trying to fight it, but then the baby woke up wanting to eat and I figured - since I was out of bed, I might as well get this done so my head can relax and maybe then I can sleep.

SOURCE

Dear Well-Behaved Mormon Woman,

Earlier this evening my husband pointed me towards your blog post about Disney's newest movie, Frozen having an agenda about homosexuality. I'll be honest, I didn't read it all the way through - I got bored. Well that, and I was at Instacare waiting for a strep test (it came back positive). I did read enough to know that I am offended however. I am offended that you didn't do more 'research' and realize that ALL Disney movies have agendas. I have yet to see Frozen, not that I haven't wanted to - it just hasn't happened for us yet. That aside, here's a few agendas you've forgotten. Feel free to do blog posts on any of the following. I'd love to see them.

SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS - Breaking And Entering Is Totally Cool.
You've got people that want to kill you? Go ahead and break into the first abandoned home you find. If you're lucky you'll run into complete strangers that are cool with you breaking and entering and they'll totally make you their maid! SIGN ME UP!!!

PINOCCHIO - Do What You Want, It Doesn't Matter, No One Cares And You'll Still Be Totally Okay.
Pinocchio was all about making the wrong choices, wasn't he? Skipping school, hanging out with strangers, going to strange places with said strangers, smoking, gambling and oh, he had a blast didn't he?

BAMBI  - Hunting Is A Manly Man's Privilege, Animals Are Replaceable.
What in the world are animals doing running around in the wild? They should all be hunted and killed for pleasure and hey, you need more space for your human activities? Burn down a forest, even if it's an accident it's a happy accident.

CINDERELLA - Children Should Be Seen, Not Heard And When It Means You Can Be Lazy - Make Them Serve You, Because After All It's Okay To Be Vain.
All of my children are my little servants as well. I sit on the couch eating bon-bons all day while they slave away. I can't ruin my perfect hair or body or hands. I have to look perfect when Mr. Right comes calling at the door.

PETER PAN - Never Grow Up
Growing up is so boring, then you have to do responsible things, like actually go to sleep at night and eat with some sort of schedule. Also it means less play time with the boys.

LADY AND THE TRAMP - Fall In Love With Whomever You Please, It'll All Work Out In The End
Pay no attention that your crush is from the wrong side of the tracks. He's a handsome little devil and you should make him your own. It helps if there's a plate of spaghetti involved.

SLEEPING BEAUTY - Involve Yourself In The Occult
Witches, dark magic, horrible spells...It has it all.

101 DALMATIONS - Wear Fur. White Fur With Perfect Black Spots. Do Not Spay/Neuter Pets.
Everyone wants to wear the best fur available, especially when they know it comes from Dalmations and there is absolutely NO NEED to spay and neuter your animals because gosh, everyone wants a plantation of dogs running around.

MARY POPPINS - Magic Nanny's Exist
Don't want to clean your room, that's okay - when you have a magic nanny she just teaches you the right way to use her magic and you only have to lift a tiny, little finger.

THE RESCUERS - Orphans Are Dirty
No one wants an orphan, except for jewel thieves. The only friends a poor orphan can really have are a set of mice and we all know that mice are dirty little creatures - ergo, orphans are dirty.

THE FOX AND THE HOUND - Never Befriend Someone Of Another Race/Color. It'll Never Work Out.
Yup, we should all just stick to the people we're familiar with. The people in the past were so spot on with this agenda.

THE LITTLE MERMAID - Disobedience And Stealing - Lessons Every Teen Needs To Know.
Teens always listen to their parents, always. There's nothing wrong with stealing when you call it 'collecting'.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST - It's Okay To Befriend Wild, Hairy Animals - Maybe Even Fall In Love.
I think the all the heterosexual women in the world really got swayed by this agenda. Most women I know fell in love with and married a wild, hairy animal. Guess we really need to address this issue.

ALADDIN - Stealing And Taking Drugs Are The Way To The Princess' Heart.
Aladdin was a thief, we know that. But he was also a druggie. Genie was just a hallucination and the whole magic carpet ride, meeting and falling in love with a princess - it was all just a sweet, drug induced coma.

LION KING - Kill Everyone You Know To Make It To The Top.
Kill your brother, send your nephew packing, turn your back on the friends who helped you get to the top and when your nephew returns to kill you, you will think to yourself, "Ah, I taught him well."

TOY STORY - If You're Gay, Act Tough And Macho And No One Will Know.
Can't you just feel the sexual tension between Buzz and Woody. UGH. And oh my gosh! They sleep in the SAME toy chest at night. The NERVE!

THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME - Gypsies Are Evil. They Will Always Be Evil. 
How can you trust anyone that moves around so much, dances all the time and has a pet goat? The shame.

HERCULES - Worship False Gods.
There is no Heavenly Father and Satan. Only Zeus and Hades and a whole slew of other gods who make this world pleasant or painful for us.

MULAN - Disobey and Become A Cross-Dresser.
Again, even teen likes to obey. And every teen should dress according to their gender.

TANGLED - Your Hair Is Magical, Never Cut It.
All those chics walking around with pixie cuts are ruined forever. Their magical powers are gone, gone I tell you. Oh wait, maybe their magic is only in their tears. Either way we need to get rid of the magic. Magic is a bad thing.

I could go on, but I'm tired. Those were just a 'few' agendas I thought of quickly. Yes, they are as ridiculous as they sound. No, I'm not serious about anything I just said. I think your post is just as silly. After seeing the movie 1 time you already had it in your head that there was an agenda to it - so of course, when you see it 2 and 3 times you'll find more information to back up YOUR AGENDA.

I really give kudos to you for standing up for something you believe in, I seriously do. But, I feel bad you're going to be standing alone. Although I guess you're not technically 'alone'. You said you had one friend that agreed with you. Not family and friendS, friend. I hope you two enjoy each other and the dark things you find in this world.

My family, friends and I prefer to find the good in the world. So even if Disney has agenda's written into their movies (most of which kids won't get until they're grown, anyway), we choose to seek the 'beautiful and lovely' things of the world. We prefer to see these kinds of messages:

SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS - Strangers Helping Strangers (The Good Samaritan)

PINOCCHIO - Learn From Your Mistakes

BAMBI  - Animals Are God's Creation

CINDERELLA - There Is Good In The World
And no, my children really ARE NOT treated as servants. If anything, they treat me as a servant.

PETER PAN - Childhood Is Only Fun For So Long, Family Is Important

LADY AND THE TRAMP - Never Judge A Book By It's Cover

SLEEPING BEAUTY - Evil Is Tricky, You Need To Be On Guard At All Times, Innocence

101 DALMATIONS - Animal Rights

MARY POPPINS - While Magic Nanny's Don't Exist, There Are Lots Of Lessons To Learn. (Cleaning is more enjoyable if you finds ways to make it fun)
I'm still working on this one, but it's still what I choose to take away.

THE RESCUERS - Jesus Said Love Everyone

THE FOX AND THE HOUND - Make Friends Wherever You Go - You Never Know When You Might Need Them Again

THE LITTLE MERMAID - Rely On Good Friends For Help, Don't Be Afraid To Admit Your Mistakes, Be Open And Honest With Your Loved Ones.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST - Love Others That Are Different. There Is Always Something Super Special About Them.
BTW - I absolutely love my wild, hairy animal of a husband. He's my best friend.

ALADDIN - Even If Life's Dealt You A Nasty Hand, You Can Make A Better Life For Yourself, Honesty.

LION KING - Your Family Is Always There For You (The Prodigal Son)

TOY STORY - True Friendship Never Ends

THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME - Love And Accept People's Disabilities, God Made Each Of Us Special, Everyone Needs To Feel Loved

HERCULES - Learn Who You Are And What You're Made Of. Never Forget Who You Are.

MULAN - Loyalty, The Value Of Family And Love, Courage

TANGLED - Stand Up For Yourself, Remember Where You Come From

And from what I've heard about FROZEN, it's also all about FAMILY!

If you want to believe that Disney has a homosexual agenda with Frozen, go on and keep believing it. You're entitled to your opinions. All I'm trying to say is that you can find darkness anywhere if you look for it. I did it in about 10 minutes.

And please, don't write some funky blog post about the movies I mentioned above. If you do, I may just have to write another middle of the night passive-aggressive letter to you.

                                                                                                     Sincerely,
          The Passive-Aggressive, Not As Great A Christian As I Know I Should Be, Sleep Deprived Woman

What Happens Next...

My Own Worst Enemy

I'm sitting here wondering if I should really even make this post. It's one that could be taken in so many different ways and it's not one I want people taking the wrong thing from.

I feel like I should explain my absence, if not for anyone's sake but my own. I've said before that writing helps me sort through things and I wrote a TON in high school when I was dealing with stupid boy drama. So I'm praying this will be a sort of therapy for me.

Perhaps it's the weather, perhaps it's hormones or perhaps it's giving too much thought to the past and not focusing on the now - whatever it is, I'm not me. I haven't been me for months. It's gotten to the point where things I really used to enjoy doing, I don't enjoy doing anymore. (Blogging to name one) I avoid leaving the house if at all possible and dread doing things I absolutely have to leave the house to do.

My friends like to get together every Friday to scrap and I keep coming up with excuses not to go and am thankful when there's a real reason I can't be there. It's crazy. They are some of my best friends and I am doing my best to avoid them.

It's started to interfere with church attendance. Church is honestly the last place I want to be lately. During Sacrament Meeting I feel like everyone's watching how unbehaved my children like to be. I feel uplifted when I'm teaching the kids in Sunday School, but only sort of. I love when the kids will interact, but when they don't - well my head starts running away with me and I start wondering what the kids are thinking. I dread Relief Society. It's been a couple months where I honestly sit by myself. I've been in this ward for 8 years and I'm sitting by myself like I'm new or something. Add in the fact that church is now at 9 in the morning and there are times I just really don't have it in me to wake up at the crack of dawn and get 7 people ready.

I've been super short with my husband and my kids. I've been really bad at feeling resentment for all the things I have to do to keep this house running. I just want to stay in bed all day and pretty much do nothing else.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about how I've been wronged in the past and because I don't know how to get over it, I just dwell on it and feel everything I felt when it first happened.

Then comes the kids...I can't go a day without feeling like I messed up in some way. I either yelled to much or didn't listen to a child close enough. I was too self-centered to really pay attention to what was going on. I feel too much pressure to be the perfect parent that I get over-stressed and freeze. The world likes to tell me I'm a bad parent because my kids eat cereal every morning and not some wonderfully warm breakfast. I figure they are being fed and that's all that matters, right? There are many times I give in too easily because I just don't have the strength to fight with my child. I'm aware of it, so really you don't need to drill it into my head. Believe me, I remind myself of it daily. Perhaps by the time Jace is 20, I will have learned how to become the PERFECT parent. Probably not.

SOURCE


Then we get back to the weight. Why does my weight have to play such a crucial part in the way I see myself? I don't know. It does though. I was with my Mother in Law at a store one day and my Mom happened to be shopping in the same store. We ran into each other and my moms were chatting with each other and somehow the topic of weight came up. They started discussing what they weighed in high school and when they got married. Even at my lightest I was never as small as either of them. Yeah, that sucks. Why am I stuck on that? I don't know. Maybe because I feel like there's no hope for me at all. I want to get back to that perfect number on the scale, but I'm kidding myself. It'll never happen. So I sit and continue this self-loathing cycle that does no one any good.

It doesn't help that I keep having recurring pain in my abdomen and side that can't be explained. We just keep spending hundreds of dollars just to hear that everything looks normal. Well, if everything WAS normal, I wouldn't be in pain now, would I?

My poor husband. Ay yi yi. I can't even express how rotten and mean I've been to him lately. He has really been amazing. He's got so much weight on his shoulders at the moment and I just like to add to it. He honestly can't say anything to me lately without me taking it that I'm failing and that I can't do anything right by him either. He's trying to take in stride and knows I'm in a dark place, but it's definitely taking it's toll.

So yeah, I've been and am still feeling really depressed and it's amazing I've accomplished anything lately. Anything that has been done lately has been because it HAD to be done for one reason or another. Which brings me back to the blog. The last real post I made was back in November....which meant I had 3 months worth of stuff to catch up on - including December which is quite possibly the busiest month ever, and I just didn't feel like doing it. It's a lot of work to edit all the pictures.

But, part of my personality likes having an order to things and I hate when things are missing - so I had to get this blog updated. It meant not editing the photos like I usually do, but I'll feel better having it done. I'm hoping to get these posts up within the next couple of days and if you enjoy reading, there won't be a shortage. I have all the pictures ready to go, just have to upload them and get things written out. So it'll take awhile.

I'm slowly starting to feel more like myself, but there's definitely a long road ahead. A lot of issues I need to start facing instead of escaping from.

So keep on checking back for the updates. I'll try to put the links to the updates in this post - since it'll be the most recent one. Thanks for checking in.

***UPDATED POSTS***

THE FUNERAL

GAME NIGHT

BIRTHDAY BUDDIES

#34

FALL BALL

THE ANNIVERSARY THAT ALMOST WASN'T

THANKSGIVING

THE BEST TREATS

ERIC'S 34

BED FIT FOR A QUEEN

HE GETS IT

DADDY'S QUARTERBACK

COUNTY FAIR TIME

MY LITTLE HERO

SHAKE, RATTLE & ROLL

CHRISTMAS CONCERT

FAMILY NATIVITY

THE MAN IN RED

CHOO CHOO ALL THE WAY TO SWEETSVILLE

CHRISTMAS EVE 2013

CHRISTMAS EVE JAMMIES

IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!

CHIN UP

MELTING LIKE A SNOW CONE MAN IN PHOENIX

ART BOT

YOUNG LADY

RANDOM JANUARY

JUST CRAFT

OH SO KISSABLE

MY SICKY BUDDY

SIX MONTHS

IF I WAS A TEENAGER...

QUICK LEARNER

LOVE DAY

TIME OUT FOR WOMEN

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME

GOING, GOING, GONE

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR A STORY?

DANCE LIKE NO ONE'S WATCHING

LET'S HAVE A PICNIC

What Happens Next...

The Funeral

After spending a few days with Eric's mom we decided to spend a night at home. So we left her house in the late afternoon on Saturday, November 2. We had some things we needed to get together before the funeral and my awesome neighbor and friend, Jobi was giving us free haircuts. (She must've felt somewhat inspired because it was exactly what the boys needed and I just wasn't feeling up to doing it for them.) Jobi came by around 9 on Saturday night and did some quick, fantastic work and I then went about getting everyone's Sunday best together x2. The kids needed something for the viewing on Sunday night and something for the funeral on Monday. I wanted to make sure I didn't forget something so we did it Saturday night.

Sunday we had a slow morning and headed back to Eric's mom's. We had a quick lunch/dinner (can't remember the time frame really) and then got ready to go to the church. Eric couldn't decide whether or not to head to the church with his mom and brother or if he should stay and help me out. I told him he could go, but he knew I needed a bit of help so he stayed and helped get the last of the kids ready.

When we got to the church, I found a corner for the kids and I to stay in. I knew it'd be a long night and that the kids didn't really need to be there all night, so thankfully my mom and sisters volunteered to take the kids back to my mom's so they could unwind.

I felt a little odd without my kids around me and Eric had to stand in line or whatever they call it, so I still stuck in my corner and ended up visiting with Eric's moms family, which we're fairly close to - so it was okay.

I always feel odd at viewings and never know quite how I'll react to seeing the dead body, but amazingly I did okay. The way the funeral home arranged things was quite nice and I was pleased to see how the big canvas prints turned out.

It was an emotional night and I was pleased to see our good friends, the Wildings and the Wards both come to show their support. It meant so much to me to see them there and it really helped break up the monotony. There were a few people from the ward that talked to me (we used to live in the ward) and caught up with our lives.

When the viewing was over we went back to Mom's and crashed. We had an early morning ahead of us and I knew getting 6 kids ready wasn't going to be the highlight of my day.

The kids were actually very cooperative and we were all ready early. I was happy when Tanis decided he'd wear one of Grandpa's ties (I think he did for the viewing as well). It was a little big, but we hid it under his suit coat. He felt happy to be able to do something like that.

There was another hour long viewing, where I tried to keep the kids in line, in our little corner again. At one point, Ailey looks up at me and says, "I don't want anyone touching him, or he'll come back alive." Then came the family meeting and that's when I lost it. It was emotional to see all of my father in laws siblings saying their final goodbyes and even more so when Eric and his brothers and Mom did so. While I wanted so badly to say mine as well, I just couldn't do it.

Then came the actual funeral. My little sister and parents kept Jace with them through the meeting and interment, because it was a cold day and I wasn't quite ready to let Jace be outside in the cold that long. I don't think I really stopped crying during the entire funeral. Eric's brothers and he all gave wonderful eulogies. I share Eric's now:

"Good morning. For those who don't know me, my name is Eric Hardy. I am the youngest son to Duane and Shirley. My brothers had me go first so the bar would be set really low for them.

These past five months have been...eventful. Never in my life have I felt so many emotions so frequently. Sometimes it would seem like I had an emotion dial, and God was playing spin the emotion to see where it would land. Anger, loneliness, self-doubt, but also: happiness, accomplishment and most importantly, love. It is so easy to focus on the bad emotions and get caught up. My family has been extremely blessed. We have so many people showing us their love and support. I can't put to words the gratitude we feel in our hearts. For me, it's this love and gratitude that has helped me focus on the positive and allow myself to process the grief in a much more manageable manner.

Before I start talking about my dad, I want to take one minute and pay tribute to another man. I have a confession to make. Growing up I was always really close with my Grandma and Grandpa W., despite them living in Nebraska. However, my relationship with my Grandpa Hardy was always awkward, despite him living in Salt Lake City and frequent Sunday visits. As I was little I would always get a weird feeling in my grandfather's presence. I never knew what that feeling was. When I was grown, I was much too busy to remember those feelings. It took my father being diagnosed with Cancer for me to finally put a name to that feeling. I was awestruck. You see, my father was my hero, but this man...this man raised my hero. I look forward to the day when I can rejoin them and rekindle our relationship.

I hope my family can bear with me and forgive my next few comments. You see, my father had one rather large, and incredibly embarrassing - to us kids, bad quality. Based on the fact that you are all here,it's a safe bet that you all knew my father. Just in case you forgot, let me share a brief moment in the past that my mother shared with me once.

During her BYU days, my mother was attending a dance that my father missed. A guy that grew up in my dad's home ward knew that my mother and father were dating. He approached my mother and asked her to dance. No, we are not sure of his reasons - but as they were dancing he asked my mother if she knew about my father's temper. My mother just laughed it off, until shortly after their marriage...

One might think that due to this temper, my father was a dangerous or violent man. Well, let me shift your perspective just a little bit. What most people don't realize is that temper belongs to the protector. The man who would step in front of anyone in this room and defend them against threat and persecution. The problem is when driving in Utah, threat is a daily thing...

One might also think that due to this temper my father was not very Christ-like. They would be wrong. In order to clarify this, I have broken the next little bit of my talk into three sections: dad at play, dad at work and dad at home.

Let's start with "Dad at Play."

This past week I was talking with my brother, Ken about speaking. I shared a thought I had at watched my brother have an 'a-ha' moment. Let's see if you guys will have the same. What vehicles did my dad drive? Now to be clear, I'm not talking about the cars he bought for my mother. What vehicles did my dad buy for himself? Was it sports cars? Muscle cars? My father would always drive station wagons, minivans, full-sized vans. He even drove a small truck once. Now I ask, why is this?

Let me share a few experiences and you can decide for yourself. My father loved going to ball games. Most of the times however, this was not a simple affair. Oh no, it was a complicated, strategic maneuvering to get as many seats as possible, to invite as many people as possible. My father was surrounded by friends and for good reason. If anyone needed help, my father would show up like a knight in shining armor. Only his horse can seat seven, store all our gear and still have room to spare.

Next, let's talk about "Dad at Work."

My father was always watching out for us boys. I had a unique experience that my brothers didn't really get to experience. I got to work with my dad. My father would always watch for State jobs that might work for us. Well, about three years ago I was in an extremely hostile work environment and was ready to get out! I am sure our Father above had a hand in this, for just as I couldn't take anymore, a State position opened up on my dad's floor and I got the job. We were on separate teams. My father was Data Security, I was Development. However, I got to see him in his workplace on a daily basis. See him interact with the people there. One of the biggest blessings though, would be the many lunches we shared.

Up to this point, one might argue that my dad was only helping loved ones. This is not so. On one of our many lunch excursions we decided to go to Burger King. It's no longer there now, but this particular Burger King was a regular gathering point for various transients. We had just finished our food and I was heading to the door when I noticed my dad wasn't behind me. I found him at the cashier ordering another Whopper. I watched in amazement as my dad walked over to a particularly depressed looking, homeless man and hand him the Whopper. My dad said, "I thought you might need this." I will never forget the grateful look that came across this man's face as he replied with a, "God bless."

I saved the best section for last, "Dad at Home."

I was blessed - or cursed, depending on how you look at it, to be the baby in my family. Being the youngest, I got to watch as my brothers entered the dating ages. My brothers brought many different girls to visit, usually for dinner and games. My father would go out of his way to make those girls feel especially welcome in our home. This did not change when I entered the dating game. While I did not date nearly as many girls as my brothers, the girls I did bring home were daughters the moment thy walked through the door, perhaps before...My parents would joke, half seriously I'm sure, that should anything happen between my wife and I; they would disown me and keep my wife.

It's doubtful this will happen, you see. We learned how to treat our wives by watching the way our father treated our mother. He never forgot a special event. In fact, he would call me up and ask if I had gotten something for my wife yet, because he found a great gift for my mom and thought my wife would like one as well. My father would proudly wear shirts my mother made for him. The instant my dad discovered he had upset my mother, he would be by her side to make things right. My dad always called my mother, 'The Boss', but I know he really meant, 'My Angel'.

My father valued love, respect and service. Not just in word, but in deed. I hope and pray that someday, I will be half the man that he was. I miss you Dad, until we meet again."

I was absolutely floored with what each of the boys wrote. They all had some fun stories of things that happened before my time that I found hilarious, but it was totally the man I knew and loved. It was nice to hear those stories.

After the funeral we walked out of the building to head to the cars. A few people had to take potty breaks and Eric ran back into the church to get the kids coats. While there was a limo, we figured it was just for Eric's mom and brother to ride in. Turns out, Eric missed a call from his brother and we should've ridden with the family. At least Eric should've. Anyway we get loaded in the car and head to the cemetery. We get parked and start walking to the plot when it hits Eric that he's supposed to be helping carry the coffin. I really felt bad when I realized this fact as well and that they were all waiting for him. He should've gone in the limo with his mom and brothers and I could've taken the kids over.

Anyway, the internment proceeds and I could not control my emotions at all. Because my father in law served in the Air Force, my mother in law was presented with a flag and that's really where I lost it. It was over before I knew it and I had a few strangers consoling me and a few family members. I gained so much more respect and admiration for my mother in law though. While I couldn't keep myself from crying like a baby, she composed herself wonderfully. She is truly a strong woman and I would love to be like her someday.

There were a few people who wanted pictures and it took a few minutes before I realized they wanted some family ones. After the pictures were over and everyone started heading back to the church, I took a walk over to my grandpa and cousins gravesites. (I can't remember if I mentioned it before but, Eric's dad is buried just a few feet from my grandpa and cousin). I was kind of glad to see that someone got a picture:

We headed back to the church for the luncheon. I found my mom and sister and thanked them for watching Jace. I was so full of emotion, I broke down once again. I wondered why I had ever put makeup on cause I knew I'd end up like this at the end of the day.

My sister snapped these pics on her phone while watching Jace.

My mom once again took the kids to her house for a bit so Eric and I could stay until things were over. At the end of the luncheon Eric's cousin gave me the 'award' for the biggest crier, I blamed it on post baby hormones, but still got a good laugh from it.

From the luncheon, we went and got the kids from my mom and went back to Eric's moms. A few minutes after we got there, everyone wanted to go see the burial plot now that Dad was buried. I was tired of running around and stressed about getting the kids back in the car while everyone waited, so I literally broke down. I told Eric he needed to go with the rest of his family, but once again, he decided he needed to stay with me. (I really am lucky to have him.)

When the rest of the family returned we visited for awhile and had a good visit. We headed home that night and tried to get back to some kind of normal.

There were so many pictures I wanted to share and even after cutting down, I still had close to 50. So I decided to just do a quick video. I've always felt weird at the thought of taking pictures at a funeral and worried it was a social faux pas, so I didn't take any. Not that I could've anyway. But I am so glad others took these photos. Photo credits go to Eric's sister in law, an aunt, a couple uncles and a family friend.

What Happens Next...