Let The Truth Be Told

We'd been keeping a secret for a couple months, we even kept it from the kids - though I could've sworn a couple of them figured it out before we told them. But from their reactions, I guess not. I suppose we keep secrets better than we thought.

And here's how we told the kids and the Facebook world our little secret...

So yes, there's another little one joining our family in February. 

Some of you may be asking why. And though I suppose I don't have to give a reason, I will.

Like you may have heard a few kids say, "You said you weren't having any more babies." And at the time we said it, that was the truth. Jace was a difficult pregnancy and birth for me. (Compared to other people, it was nothing - but with my history, he was rough) I decided then that my body was getting too old to do this baby thing anymore. After Jace was born, I had other issues in the woman department that were starting to concern me.

Once again Eric and I had discussed permanent birth control and because of the other issues I was having, we decided it'd be best if the permanent birth control was something we did on my end. I struggled A LOT with deciding just what to do.

I studied up on the few options we thought were best and I still just didn't feel at peace with any of them. There was always something, with every single option, that just didn't sit well with me. After a few months, there was a very strong reason why.

Every mom who knows she's done having kids will tell you that she just KNEW she was done. I didn't feel that way and in fact started having similar feelings as I did when I knew Jace needed to join the family. Everyone would be home and you subconciously start counting heads. I would end up with the correct number of 6, but it still felt as if someone was missing. This lead to a few more subconsious head counts with the same result.

Telling Eric this news was a little scary for me. I wasn't afraid of him being angry or anything, but in his mind we were seriously DONE. He struggles with pregnancy and thinks way too much about things that could go wrong. As the man (in our old fashioned ways), he is also concerned with money issues. But this was something that couldn't go unsaid. I opened up to him and while he didn't jump at the chance to have another baby, he didn't say no either. He requested that I think and pray about it some more and then let him know.

Well, nothing was changing. The more I thought about it I knew it was the right choice. Eric eventually saw that and that was that.

But I wasn't getting pregnant. I remember talking to my mom and asking her if she ever had issues getting pregnant after she decided she wanted another baby. She told me no and that concerned me a bit. We never had issues getting pregnant and so once again we were in uncharted territory.

I started second guessing everything. That maybe I had just made this all up in my mind. But the feelings I had just kept growing and the feeling that someone was missing was apparent constantly. It was difficult, at times, to be around those who were having babies or announcing their pregnancies. I didn't get it and through this time I learned to be a little more empathetic of those who struggle and have struggled for years on end without getting pregnant. I won't say I know EXACTLY how it feels, because I don't. I was blessed with 6 other little beings and so I really can't say I know how it feels to want a baby so badly, but it has never happened. Through those months though, I caught a glimpse of that pain and that hunger.

After 6 months we decided that I should go to the doctor to see what the issue might be. I told my dr the issues I was having as well as not being able to conceive and he set us up with the hospital to get a hysterosonogram done. The nurse at my dr.'s office called to set up the appt. and said it had to be done 10-14 days after my period ended. So we got that scheduled and went in to have the procedure done. We were then told it was supposed to happen 8-10 days after your period starts, so we'd have to come back.

Eric was more upset by this than I was and I just figured it was only a couple weeks time, not a huge deal. Frustrating yes, but it was mostly okay. So we waited the next couple of weeks.

The day after I was expecting my period I found myself at the store and because one thing I could count on was my period being regular (almost to the same hour), I bought a test. I was so not expecting a positive, but I got a positive and sent the picture to Eric right away.

I honestly don't know how he took the news, but we went along with life assuming it was correct. This was back in June and so for the next two months we kept it quiet. We had a busy summer and I decided not to go to the dr. until we got home from Nebraska. I wasn't massively sick, but I did have nauseau during our trip and lived on Canada Dry, which I figured would tip the older kids off right away, but nope. We got to keep our secret until we got home from the dr.'s office.