The Simple Things

When I was growing up and in my teen years, my mom would listen to LDS artists quite often. A few of these artists stuck with me. Afterglow was one such artist. While they started out as LDS artist, they released a couple albums under the name McCoslyn and Paye. I've grown kind of fond of the albums and while it really has nothing to do with the rest of this post, I found it applicable for this post's title and introduction.

One one of their albums they released, they have a song called The Simple Things. The lyrics are as follows.

THE SIMPLE THINGS

If there's one thing I've learned in my life,

About how to treat a sweetheart or a wife,

You can buy all the pearls, all the diamonds in the world.

But if you're wise, you'll take my advice.

'Cause a heart can't be purchased with gold.

If you want a love that lasts till you grow old,
Then your love can't depend on the presents that you send.
Hearts you buy, will never stay sold.

But it's 'Hello' every morning.
It's a kiss to say, 'Goodnight'. 

And it's knowing when she's had a day

That makes her want to be held tight.

It's the kind of small investments

That help you keep the love you've got.

It's the simple things that really mean a lot.

If there's one thing on which you can depend,

It's not the worth of gifts you give,

But the message that you send.

Give her time, give her love, give her all the stars above.
Just be sure you give the simple things until the very end.

But it's 'Hello' every morning.

It's a kiss to say, 'Goodnight'.

And it's knowing when she's had a day

That makes her want to be held tight.
It's the kind of small investments
That help you keep the love you've got.

It's the simple things that really mean a lot.

The simple things that really mean a lot.

This is a lesson Eric has learned well. He does so many 'simple' things that make me love him more each day. The following story is one such case.

After our vacation depression started coming back. I was still stressed when I would think about our vacation, one of the kids had been sick every day for the past 2 weeks and Eric still wasn't improving much. I was at the end of all I could take.

In the meantime Eric and I had wanted to come up with a solution for storing all of our board games. For a long time we kept them in the basement, but we'd find out the kids had gotten into them and lost pieces or destroyed the game in some other fashion. So then we put them in our closet, but I don't turn the stupid fan on when I shower because I hate the noise, so it was slowly destroying the boxes. Eric decided to just stick them on the floor and end tables in our room and we'd get bookcases for them sometime. That was probably 2 years ago. We finally had enough of them taking up space in our room so we took a trip to Ikea to find a solution.

While we were in Ikea I get a phone call from Tanis. He kind of mumbles and speaks fast on the phone, so I didn't understand what he was saying at first. All I heard was 'flower'. So I think Flower got outside and they got her back or something (he's called just to tell us this before). When I ask him about that he says, 'No,' and repeats his sentence. 'There are flowers here for Shilo Hardy.' I say, 'Someone delivered flowers for me?' and he says, 'Yes.' I tell him, 'Okay' and that's the end of the conversation.

Eric is a little frustrated as he wanted it to be a surprise, but I told him the color and type of flower were still a surprise. A little bit later I was looking for decorations to go on top of the cabinet we chose for the games, he mentions, "There's something at home to make it look pretty."

I kind of forgot about the flowers during our shopping trip and on the drive home, but when I got home I had a beautiful surprise. He had gotten me my favorite flowers in my favorite color. I was floored, they were beautiful.

Eric was a little bit frustrated when he saw the flowers and said they were supposed to look a bit different. He showed me the picture and it was supposed to be a multicolor arrangement. I decided it was an error in my favor and I really wasn't going to complain.

The flowers got even more beautiful as they started to bloom.

Day 3

DAY 4

So dang pretty. I almost cried when I had to throw them away. Instead I just messaged Eric and told him we had a problem. When he asked what it was I told him I had to throw out the flowers and now the space was too empty. I needed more flowers. He hasn't fixed that problem yet. HAHAHA!

Even though Eric was still pretty sick, he knew that I was struggling and hurting. His simple words on the card, 'You are never alone' will stick with me forever. I was stuck in my own struggles and frustrations, but it dawned on me - he was experiencing everything too.

He knows how stressed I was on our trip and he was hurting to know there wasn't anything he could do to help me out. He knew where my depression was coming from and while he tried his best to help me see the good, I just couldn't see it. He was hurting to know I was hurting. 

I am so very thankful for him and for all the simple things he does for me.

What Happens Next...

57 Day Photo Challenge: Day 9 - August 25

DAY 9: A PICTURE OF THE PERSON WHO HAS GOTTEN YOU THROUGH THE MOST

I doubt this answer will come as a shock to anyone...the person who has gotten me through the most is none other than:

That's right, it's Eric. He had to deal with A LOT when we first started dating. My parents unintentionally put me through the ringer as well as putting our relationship to the true test. Most guys wouldn't have stuck around through everything my parents did to the relationship.

Eric has seen me through the unexpected deaths of 2 relatives, countless disappointments, many periods of depression and quite recently he's been the strength that's kept me from falling apart at the seams. Yup, he's gotten me through the most.

What Happens Next...

Some Romance Advice...

So I have a few posts I should be making about Christmas, gifts, etc. Typical things about the season, but I need to forego that for a day or so.

My heart is super heavy at the moment. This past weekend I heard of another divorce happening to one of the coolest couples I knew. This is just one of many I've heard about lately and it broke my heart. I don't know all the details, nor do I need/want to know - I just know that it's sad. You start thinking about all the people one divorce affects and the way it all trickles down is amazing.

Let me just say I DO NOT believe that ALL MARRIAGES SHOULD or CAN be saved. But I believe that with the right amount of work and sacrifice there are quite a few that COULD be saved.

Thankfully, I've never had to deal with a divorce first hand, or up close and personal - but I've been a witness to quite a few relationship that were headed down that road and for whatever reason it just never progressed that far. In some cases it was a good thing, in some cases it's been a bad thing because they STILL haven't worked out their issues - they just skirt around them.

Anyway, since hearing about this last divorce I've kept thinking I need to put down 'on paper' the things that Eric and I have learned and are still learning about keeping a marriage alive and healthy. Now I'll be THE FIRST to say our relationship ISN'T PERFECT. It's a PRETTY AWESOME relationship, but it ISN'T perfect.

A lot of you may think that Eric and I haven't really ever had any major real trials come in the way of our marriage and while I won't go into details, there's been something that has plagued our marriage almost from day one. And it is something that has torn families apart, but because of what Eric and I have learned and what we try to live day to day it's kept us together. It isn't easy. It's a struggle. But I've found that because we live the following things it makes it EASIER!

I want to say FLAT OUT that I AM NOT calling ANYONE OUT! I AM NOT judging ANY ONE ELSE'S relationships. I am just sharing things I've learned by observation and by TONS of trial and error!

And no, I'm not a marriage counselor. No, I've not been schooled in anything remotely related to anything of this nature. I'm just offering advice and hoping SOMEONE gains something from it. This is mostly made to help my children or grandchildren along the way as this blog serves as my journal. That being said, here's some things I've learned:

COMMUNICATE: This is THE BIGGEST help in keeping your relationship alive. Everything comes back to communication. This has also proven to be the most difficult for me.

I'm the type of person who avoids confrontation, so in an argument I am apt to walk away, stew about it on my own time, on my own terms and then I'm good. This doesn't work so well for Eric. And it really isn't a good way to solve things.

While I've gotten over whatever little things (and yes, it usually is a bunch of little things) set me off - Eric is still left wondering what it was he did and what he can do to make sure it doesn't happen again. When I walk away without talking and then solve the issue in my head - Eric is still left with unresolved feelings. So while I'm back to being perfectly content, my spouse isn't. That is a problem.

Unfortunately for me Eric HAS to talk things out. He HAS to have resolution. As much as I've HATED this throughout the years (Yes, I do HATE it) I realize how IMPORTANT this has become to keeping our marriage IN TACT!

Half the time when I think I've resolved some issue in my head, I realize I really haven't. More than likely I've just set it aside to worry about at another time.

Communicating my issues with my spouse has saved us a number of times.


BE GENEROUS WITH HIS TIME: This is a situation that may be different when your husband isn't the bread winner in the family. Keep that in mind.

Here's another one that took me a few years to learn and it was learned the hard way.

Your husband spends 40+ hours a week WORKING to provide for your needs and your WANTS! Keep that in mind. Most of his day is spent traveling, working at whatever job he's chosen (even if he really enjoys his job there are days that this is difficult), just to come home and then provide emotional support for his wife and children. He has very little time for HIM! Do NOT be selfish with that time.

GIVE HIM time to do things to discover himself, to stay himself, to do the things HE enjoys doing. Too many times I see wives micromanaging their husbands schedules from sun up to sun down. I hate it. I feel bad for those men and really annoyed at the women who do it.

Yes, your husband should spend time with you AND with his children. Yes, he should fulfill his duties at home as well as he does at work, but NO he should not be so scheduled that he doesn't even know if he's coming or going. Or scheduled to the point that he can't even REMEMBER what he enjoys doing.

However, this doesn't mean you should let your husband do whatever he wants, every day when he gets home from work, but it does mean you should give him plenty of time to do the things he would LIKE to do. He will be a much more fulfilled and happy man if you give him HIS time.


BE IN AGREEMENT ABOUT HOW SPARE TIME IS SPENT: It's pretty much a non-spoken 'rule' in this house that one night out with the guys or one night out with the girls a week is cool. No questions asked, no gripes made.  Anything above and beyond that needs to be discussed. (See that communication comes ups again)


COMPROMISE: So you may not be thrilled that the hubby wants to go out with the guys 2x's in a week. Compromise somehow.

In our house it's often that if he helps get the kids settled down before he goes, and he promises to answer his phone and come home if I really need him, then I am good to let him go again.

Now he's good on these occasions to purposely plan going out a little bit later. Instead of leaving as soon as he gets home from work, they decided on a time around 8:00 pm - when kids should be getting ready for bed and going to bed anyway.


BE TOGETHER EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER: I probably could've found a better way to say that, but I'm leaving it as it is.

This simply means that even if you're both off doing your separate things, try to do them in the same room. Eric and I have become masters at this.

I tend to get lonely and I need Eric AROUND. Even if we aren't doing the same thing I like that he's in earshot and eyeshot so we can still chat and 'be together.'



TAKE AN INTEREST IN EACH OTHER'S INTERESTS: This one makes me laugh sometimes. This is all how Eric got me playing World Of Warcraft years ago (don't play that often) and most of the time how I find new favorite TV Shows.

Even when you don't find that you are particularly interested in his interests, at least engage him in conversation about it. Be excited when he's excited. Tell him you're sorry when things don't go the way he wants. LISTEN.

This is another two way street. Eric probably has no idea what the difference is between a mat and matte. Probably doesn't know what I mean by tactile scrapbooking or hybrid scrapbooking. He doesn't even care much for pictures and groans when his mom or I want to take them. However, he does appreciate the pages I make with those pictures. He's even got the one I made with the little girls serving as his wallpaper at work right now.

Guess how good I felt when I saw that....



MAKE TIME FOR HIM: In my world as soon as he walks through the door at night, I stop what I'm doing. I greet him (he'd say I don't always, but I try), we have dinner and then we are together.

We usually catch up on tv shows or watch a movie, but whatever we do it's TOGETHER. I set aside my nights to be with him. I have most of the day for 'my' stuff, but we don't have a lot of time together so we make sure our nights count!



DON'T TALK BAD ABOUT HIS FAMILY OR FRIENDS: This isn't always easy to do and sometimes people really just can't get a long. If you are in such a situation just keep your bad feelings to yourself. If you HAVE to discuss a family member or friend of his that's really upsetting you, find someone else to talk with.

Don't make him choose between you and family.

Of course if there's a MAJOR issue you should talk with your spouse, but if it's something like, "Man, your dad is such a loser...", keep it to yourself or talk with someone NOT related to that person.


GO TO BED AT THE SAME TIME: I grew up in a house where my Dad went to bed at the stroke of 10 pm (He liked his sleep, guess where I got that from) and my Mom would stay up until she finished all she had on her 'check-list.'

I didn't want that kind of relationship.

For the most part Eric and I go to bed at the same time. There are occasions where that doesn't happen, but we try. Some of the best conversations we've had have been at bed time. There are no other distractions around and the kids are asleep in bed. It's a good time for meaningful conversations.



ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED/WANT: Men really do have a one-track mind. They can concentrate on one thing and that's it. They really are oblivious at times and don't always 'see' what needs to happen. Don't expect them to know exactly what you need or want them to do.

You need to make sure they are listening to you and then ask for what you want or need.

This is another one I still struggle with. I have a hard time believing he can't just hear what's going on and solve it, but he doesn't. He tends to focus on the one thing he's doing and that's that. But when I ask him for help, he's willing to do it.

..........

So those are just a few things I've learned in 13 years of marriage. I know others probably have tons more they could add to this, but this is just a quick list from my brain so that I can rest a bit easier knowing I shared my knowledge with my children and so on....

What Happens Next...

Favorite Song Of The Year: Day 15

So, the early 90's must not have appealed to me much....As this year will show...

~1993~

1. Runaway Train - Soul Asylum
Another song with a vivid picture and using imagery instead of just saying it flat out. This song reminds me of my little brother, Devin for some reason.

2. I'll Never Get Over You (Getting Over Me) - Expose
A song I could relate to when it came out. In 8th grade I started 'going out' with one of my very close friends, S. It didn't last even a month before his older sister found out and then he decided we were too young to be 'serious'. I agreed, but it made me sad.
Then there was another guy, B, that I also 'went out' with at the end of 8th grade. After it fizzled out after only a few months, he told me that he did it on a dare anyway. Not sure I believed that one, but it still hurt.

3. What Is Love - Haddaway
Just like the beat to this song, especially since most of the lyrics in the song just repeat and repeat...

Original Video can't be embedded, but this is the link:
http://youtu.be/k_U6mWu1XQA

Below is a clip from Night At The Roxbury with the song:

What Happens Next...

30 Days of Truth: Day 18

DAY 18: SOMEONE YOU MET RANDOMLY THAT'S MADE AN IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE

I had to think about this answer for awhile, but I came up with an answer and that answer is my ex-boyfriend, Tolon.


Think that's an odd answer? Well keep on reading - it'll make sense at the end.

It was the start of my Junior year of high school and because I have a birthday in Fall I had Driver's Ed first semester. I only knew one person in the whole class though it ended up not mattering because the teacher sat us alphabetically. An odd way alphabetically, but it ended up that I was sat next to this kid named Tolon.

I didn't know him from Adam. He went to a different Jr. High school and I really didn't know anyone he knew and vice versa. But being the kind person he is - he started talking with me. It wasn't long before we fell into 'deep like.'

By the end of the semester we were officially a 'couple' and even had a few classes together. (Does every high school couple do that or was it just me with my boyfriends?) We only dated for about 5 months because I eventually got bored and started getting a crush on Eric. HAHAHA!


I've explained how I met Tolon randomly, but now I'll get to the reason he had such an impact on my life.

I was very unsure of myself. VERY unsure. I hated that I had to wear glasses, I thought I was horribly fat and my older sister like never dated so I was sure my high school life was going to be a similar story. I even told my bishop at the time that I was NEVER going to date. Not because I didn't want to, but because no one would want to date me.

So then came Tolon. He genuinely liked me! I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't. He liked the person I was. He made me look for the good in life, made me search for the good in myself. He came to see me before Christmas one Saturday morning and I hadn't gotten dressed or done my hair or any of that stuff. I was so mortified that he saw me in that condition, but he said something to the effect of he still thought I looked pretty. That was an awesome thing to hear. Now Eric will try to tell me that he said it just because he was a guy and he wanted something - but I'll tell you it was just him. That's the way he was. He was always trying to build me up and NEVER said anything to destroy me emotionally. I felt really bad that I broke up with him. My mom even told me that I was a happier person with Tolon and she honest to goodness wrote him a letter thanking him for all that he did for me.


Because of Tolon I was able to learn to love myself a little more. I was able to see what I was capable of. I found out that there was more to me than a goofy girl with glasses. He taught me that there are possibilites in life and sometimes it's fun to be a little spontaneous. It may have only been 5 short months of my life, but everything he taught me has lasted a lifetime!

So there is the person I met randomly that's made an impact in my life. And to be fair here, Eric has done so much more than Tolon did, but Tolon was the first one that happened along and I didn't really meet Eric randomly otherwise I may have chosen him. ;)

What Happens Next...

It's Not Always Roses

So a few months back I was talking with a friend of mine, we were discussing blogs and how she felt that she wasn't always telling the 100% truth. She said she doctored photos she put up of her and stuff like that. She decided she was going to be a little more honest in her blog, and she actually did it. You can read her blog here.

I've decided that since this blog doubles as my journal, I need to be a little more honest as well. I don't downright tell lies or anything like that - but I do tend to omit certain things at times. Like how Eric and I weren't really speaking to each other the whole night of Tanis' Hope Of America show. We were both so stressed and at each other's necks for silly little things.

Sometimes I feel like I paint this picture of our relationship at being totally perfect and that nothing ever goes wrong. And while our relationship is pretty darn good, even great (compared to others around us) it's far from perfect.

Now this post isn't meant as a hubby bashing at all. I'm not that mean. If I want to bash him, I'll do that in private. This post is just my attempt at being more honest with myself and the world...
About Thursday of last week Eric and I were discussing plans for the weekend. I told him that I had a Mother/Daughter activity with Shaylyn on Friday. He said, "Well that messes up my plans for a Mother's Day dinner that night. Maybe we can work it out on Saturday." The reason for the 'maybe' was because he had plans with his buddies Saturday night.

Saturday ended up being quite busy actually. Eric spent the morning in the yard - mowing and edging and all of that stuff, while I spent it cleaning inside. At noon we had to head to Lex's ball game. Eric's dad came to the game and then treated us to lunch afterwards. We got home about 2:00 and Eric said we should probably leave for dinner around 4:00 if we were going to go.
I finished cleaning the house and it was about 4:30. Eric wasn't exactly thrilled to go to dinner Saturday night - for reasons I don't quite remember right now - and said he'd be less stressed if we waited till Monday night.

I didn't want to wait until Monday because that would mean I'd have to come up with some sort of dinner for Saturday night and because I wasn't feeling real well - I didn't want to deal with that. So we headed out.

I really wanted to go to Olive Garden. We got there and when we went to go see what the wait time was, we were told it was an hour! Eric didn't have time to wait for an hour (not that I really wanted to anyway), so he gave me a few options. We could grab some fast food for Saturday night and go back to Olive Garden on Monday, or we could just find somewhere else to go.
Because I am stubborn and was worried about the financial side of a fast food dinner on Saturday night and an Olive Garden dinner on Monday - I voted we go somewhere else. We ended up at Applebee's. So not a favorite place of mine...

Anyway, we had a mostly enjoyable meal and left. I had to have Eric stop by Target cause I needed tape. A random thing yes, but needed anyway. I hurried as fast as I could knowing time was short.

When we got home 2 of his friends were already at the house. So we didn't really have time for a nice conversation after dinner. His friends were here probably till about midnight. I'm not really sure of the time because I went to bed around 10:30 cause I wasn't feeling well.

I woke up Sunday morning (Mother's Day) to just another day. Nothing fancy was done for me. (Okay I didn't really expect it - I knew my 'gift' was dinner) But, I didn't get a word from ANYONE in this house. I still wasn't feeling great when I woke up, but I decided to finish up last minute things for the Mother's Day gifts for our Mom's and Grandma's. That took a good chunk of the morning.

Eric had decided the night before that he probably wasn't going to be going to church because he had some work that had to get done and he wasn't sure he'd get it done before church. That was okay because he'd have stayed home anyway since the 2 little kids had what I thought were colds in their eyes. (Turns out they both have pink eye, yay!)

And because I wasn't feeling well I decided I didn't have the energy/desire to get all the other kids ready for church. I also decided I would just go teach my lesson and then come home.
While I was busy with my things Eric was stressed out. He was trying to get this work this situated all while worrying about his missing wallet. He had disovered his wallet was missing shortly after we arrived home. He immediately called the restaurant, but they hadn't seen it yet. So, he tried his best to put it out of his mind. On Sunday morning he had drove out to Applebee's to look in the parking lot - but there was a car parked where we had parked the night before. He waited a few hours before calling the restaurant again - just to hear that no wallet was turned in. He was STRESSED OUT!

It was time for me to get ready for church, so I jumped in the shower. After the shower Eric came and told me had found his wallet. He had just stuck it on a shelf in the frontroom where he doesn't usually put things. So that stress was relieved. He then noticed that I was upset. I tried explaining to him how I just felt like no one cared because no one said a word to me all morning. Then it got into how he felt like taking me to dinner meant nothing to me. We got into an argument while I was getting ready for church - and I had to leave in the middle of it to be on time.

My lesson went well and I am so glad I was there to teach it. It was difficult though because I lied to a sweet lady who snuck into my open classroom door real quick to keep her 2 year old from seeing her and not going to nursery. She asked how my Mother's Day was and I told her, "Great." As soon as class time was over - I left. But I ran into my 'twinner' and she asked me how I was. I have a feeling she could tell I wasn't telling the whole truth and just went with the, "Oh I just feel kinda crappy" route. I left the building feeling somewhat relieved but sad as well. I realized that because we didn't go to Sacrament Meeting my kids didn't get to sing to me and I didn't get the cool "Mommy Gift" the Primary kids give the mom's. And apparently I missed out on Mint Truffles or something during RS.

I apologized to Eric when I got home and told him I was just so sad and so upset that I had to get sick on Mother's Day and his stress caused me stress and so on and so forth. We were supposedly good.

Lex then even surprised me with a gift he had made at school. There is this WONDERFUL mother who does so much with these kids. I know this because Shaylyn was in her son's class in 1st grade and she did a bunch for them as well. I really need to find a way to thank her. Anyway this is the gift he gave me:

Along with the paper silouhette:

Then just when I was trying to get kids ready to get out the door to go visit our parents, Eric tells me his parents are running behind and won't be home until 6:00. (They had gone to visit Eric's brother) So then I got mad and told Eric not to whine about leaving when we got to my Moms. (Eric gets up by 5 every morning, so he should be able to be home at a decent hour - I was just ornery) We get in the car and he starts in on this whole, "You don't always have to celebrate a day ON the day, you know." That just made me more upset.

For me - I needed to get out of the house. For him - he wanted to stay and work on our relationship. Which probably would've been a good choice - but I so wanted out. It took almost the whole hour drive to our parents to work through our issues, but we did.

I know that I was being petty by wanting a 'gift' on Mother's Day because honestly, I AM SPOILED ROTTEN by my hubby any given day of the week. He goes out of his way to make me happy and to treat me well. Just because he wasn't 'on top' of things ON MOTHER'S DAY doesn't make him an awful man. And if any of you think it does then YOU need to look at things in a different light.

He did give me a Mother's Day gift. Just because it's not what I had envisioned - it doesn't lessen what he did do. At first, I was like - I would've preferred that he got a babysitter and we went to dinner alone, but as I've done some reflecting - what better way is there to spend Mother's Day with those wonderful creatures who MADE YOU A MOTHER? Seriously? I should've been content to have my awesome 5 blessings with me instead of wishing I was alone with my husband.

A lot of our issues on Mother's Day came from my selfishness and my views of how things should've been. But in that time in time I couldn't see it. I needed some rude awakenings to make me see how good I do have it.

The rest of the night was pretty great. We visited with Eric's parents and had a wonderful dinner. My sweet MIL made French Dip sandwiches because she knows that I like them. We weren't able to stay long because we had to still visit my Mom and it was already like 7:30.

We then headed to my mom's and luckily my maternal grandma was there. She LOVED the gift I gave her and that made my day! To know that something that cost me pretty much nothing was treasured so much was awesome!!! Plus, I just always like visiting with her and she said she was hoping she'd be able to see my family. Awww. I ♥ my Grandma.

And I also ♥ my wonderful hubby. "Ah Always Have, Ah Always WILL!!!!"

What Happens Next...